1 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:37,193 (4 Never Knew Love Like This Before by Jessie Ware) 2 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,433 Must you? Just here? 3 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,308 (all) ...three, two, one! 4 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,389 Happy New Year! 5 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,209 (all cheering) 6 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,231 (Nat) I do. 7 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,272 (chuckles) 8 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:55,897 It now gives me great pleasure to pronounce you... 9 00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,650 (whispering) Excuse me. 10 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,782 (coughing) 11 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,370 (continues coughing) 12 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,924 - (guests murmuring) - You all right? 13 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,467 - (whispering) I'm fine. - (coughs) 14 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,137 - Something lodged? - Nothing. 15 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,805 - (hushed) Water. - What? 16 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:23,724 A glass of water, please. 17 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,847 - Where's the water? - I don't know. 18 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,644 (coughing) 19 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,437 (minister) Oh, dear. 20 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,359 - (coughing continues) - (hushed) He's getting it from the font! 21 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,316 Mmm. 22 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,736 - (coughs) - (water splattering) 23 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,455 Jesus Christ. Sorry. 24 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,409 - So sorry. Where were we? - "l now pronounce you." 25 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,829 - I now pronounce you. - Yeah. 26 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,379 (stammers) 27 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,544 No, thank you. I now pronounce you... (mouths) 28 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,005 ...husband and wife. 29 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,890 (4 Spring Concerto by Vivaldi) 30 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,637 (minister coughing) 31 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,596 (Hugh) Look at them. 32 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,524 - Aren't they adorable? - Yes. 33 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,526 I give it a year. 34 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,320 (guests cheering) 35 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,625 (Danny) And for those of you who don't know me, 36 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,707 and especially if we meet in the bar later, 37 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:40,213 my name is, "Danny Do-you-want-a-pint?" 38 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,886 (chuckles) "Danny Do-you-want-a-pint?" 39 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,968 Fornication... 40 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,806 I'll read that again. 41 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,429 For an occasion... 42 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,555 like this, 43 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,764 I want to make sure I keep up the traditions of being a best man. 44 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:55,816 Apparently I need to get the groom to the church on time. Tick. 45 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,439 I need to remember the rings. Did that. And I need to... 46 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,942 have sex with a bridesmaid. Wahey! 47 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,910 l... To be fair, I wrote these, um... before I knew they... 48 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,778 I would never have sex with a... 49 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,989 Maybe when they're older. Never say never. 50 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,245 And keep away from Paedo Rog! Ha-ha! 51 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,746 (chuckles) All right, Paedo? Nice to have you. 52 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,419 He's come a long way. Good lad. 53 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,832 It's great to see so many people turn up to see Josh finally tie the knot. 54 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,382 And about time, too. 55 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,586 Nat's got it all. She's brilliantly clever, 56 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,047 apparently really delivers in the bedroom. 57 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,849 Like mother like daughter, eh? He knows what I'm talking about. 58 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:29,925 And I don't know about you, 59 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,603 but I feel she could easily be a model, I think we'll agree, 60 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,976 if it wasn't for her nose. 61 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,521 When I first saw her beaver... 62 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,522 ...Ing away... Beavering away, 63 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,695 cooking Josh a meal, I knew she was a real catch. 64 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,442 Um, I've got no idea why her previous boyfriend cheated on her, 65 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,946 but, uh, I'm glad he did. 66 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,493 Cheers to him, wherever he may be. 67 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,162 Probably shagging. 68 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,535 But, uh, no. Um, seriously, Nat. 69 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,742 You're a real eight out of ten, love. I mean that sincerely. 70 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,460 And we're delighted you and Josh have found each other. 71 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,538 So, everyone, please, raise your glasses 72 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,378 as we say a little toast to Nat and Josh. 73 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,551 (all) To Nat and Josh! 74 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,338 (all applauding) 75 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,558 Nat is literally gonna be cringing right now. 76 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,977 She hates being the centre of attention. 77 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,681 It is impossible to imagine anyone 78 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,608 looking more beautiful than you do today, Nat. 79 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,981 And I know how much you love being the centre of attention. 80 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,688 That's just one of the things that makes us so different. 81 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,401 Because I'm a thinker, you're a doer. 82 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,071 I'm laissez-faire, you're anal. 83 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,196 Hey, you dirty sod! 84 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,244 On you go. 85 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,117 I think it's fine for a man to wear Crocs, 86 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,916 and you've made it abundantly clear you do not. 87 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,458 (chuckles) 88 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,581 I know it's only been seven months, 89 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:42,791 and some of you think that we're crazy for getting married, but... 90 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:47,962 all I know is, from the first moment I saw you, 91 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,673 I knew that yours was the only face 92 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:52,716 and the only voice... 93 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,970 - that I would ever need again. - (all) Aw! 94 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,680 'Cause in that moment, everything just changed. 95 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,983 Everything just seemed to fit so perfectly. 96 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,605 Wahey! 97 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,029 And I'm so lucky that I feel like I'm only just getting to know you. 98 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,738 Ladies and gentlemen, 99 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,611 here's to us. 100 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,946 (guests cheering) 101 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,247 - Here's to us. - (guests) Cheers! 102 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,284 (guests cheering) 103 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,789 (guests applauding) 104 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,889 (4 You Do Something To Me by Paul Weller) 105 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,606 Are you happy? 106 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,391 The happiest. 107 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,187 The best two hours and 36 minutes of my life. 108 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,021 (chuckles) 109 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,785 You know, I had this terrible fear 110 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,239 that you were gonna do some sort of novelty dance. 111 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,000 (hip hop track plays) 112 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,756 Get it on quickly, get it on quickly. I'm so sorry, Nat. 113 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,481 ♪ I wanna rock right now 114 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,278 (rapping) ♪ I'm Josh Moss and I came to get down 115 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,480 3 You're my girl 116 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,609 ♪ My honey, my boo 117 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,361 ♪ I was straight trippin' when you said "I do" 118 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,944 Ji All the motherfuckers in the house say "yo" 119 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,320 ♪ There's something my nigga's got to know 120 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,075 ♪ It's the shit to see my dawg get hitched 121 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,077 ♪ Now he can make that ho his bitch 122 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,079 - You can't say those things. - Don't be a player hater. 123 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,286 Seriously, mate. Don't hate the player, hate the game. 124 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,457 Am I right? Put it there, mate. 125 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,259 - Ready? - Yeah. 126 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,230 Aw. That's nice. 127 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,945 Listen, son, you know it's not easy, don't you? 128 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,578 - The first year is the worst. - Okay. 129 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,079 - It's true. - Thank you. 130 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,910 If you can make it through the first year of marriage, 131 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,713 - you can make it through anything. - Yeah. 132 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,757 You know, there were times when your father was late home 133 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,586 - l used to fantasise he'd been killed. - Did you? 134 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,011 - Mmm. - That's nice. 135 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,930 Oh, in my mind, it was always the IRA. 136 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,548 Strange, strange. 137 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,763 But things got better because we love each other. 138 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,057 Tremendous, tremendous. 139 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,356 (both moaning) 140 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,856 - Shall we go, yeah? This is weird. - Yes, it's a bit weird. 141 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,657 (moaning continues) 142 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,037 Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. 143 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,878 (Nat) So, that was nine months ago. (Josh) Mmm. 144 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:17,129 And I think even then we knew instinctively 145 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,509 something wasn't quite right. 146 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,716 You realised you'd married beneath yourself. 147 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,393 You thought you could be with someone better-looking, 148 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,138 better body, perhaps a professional man? 149 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,814 - Uh, no. - No. 150 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:32,691 No, no, I think we were both in love with the idea of being in love. 151 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:37,817 You know, and we're at that age where we're ready to find "the one". 152 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,323 And don't tell me, Josh, you opened that closet door, 153 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,699 didn't want to live that lie any more. 154 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,446 I picked up on it the moment you sat down. 155 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,078 Tricks of the trade. You know, you can tell by the shoes. 156 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,287 No! Oh, Christ, no, no, no, no, I'm completely straight. 157 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,376 Couldn't be less gay. I mean, I don't even like... 158 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,208 touching my own penis. 159 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,134 Right, so were there terrible sexual problems? 160 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,966 Does he have tremendously niche desires? 161 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,641 Did he want to touch you here? 162 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,772 - Uh... - Never with a pen. 163 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,398 Look, Nat's amazing, obviously. She's wonderful. 164 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,604 And I think we both really want to make this work. 165 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:16,733 But is it possible 166 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:19,192 that some people just aren't supposed to be married? 167 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,447 Truthfully, there's just something in our marriage 168 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,074 that hasn't quite... 169 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,996 - Clicked. - ...jelled. 170 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,289 So? Was it like a dream? 171 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,670 Well, we ticked every wedding box. 172 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,593 Cake, sweaty uncles dancing to Queen. 173 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,388 People we thought were dead flying in from Canada. 174 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,385 It was very wedding-y, right? 175 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,807 It was so romantic. 176 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,225 It was just like a Hugh Grant film. 177 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,428 - It was amazing, wasn't it? - Mmm! 178 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,309 Did you like all the flowers? We got the most... 179 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,640 I'm sorry, 180 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,559 but can we do this at lunch? 181 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,603 - Right. Absolutely, Helen. - Thanks. 182 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,654 Ruthlessly efficient, as always. 183 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,775 We should not be talking about 184 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,733 - lace halter necks on company time. - No. 185 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,827 - What's the story? - While you were on your holiday, 186 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,204 I took the initiative 187 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,539 and I started gathering ideas for Guy Harrap. 188 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,331 He's taken over his father's industrial solvent and bleach empire. 189 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:17,212 You weren't here, but he basically wants to make solvents and bleach sexy. 190 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,259 - Fuck off. - (phone ringing) 191 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,923 (Josh over speaker) Is that my dirty little slut of a wife? 192 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:25,799 Hey! 193 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,134 What are you doing? 194 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,094 Uh, middle of a meeting. What's up? 195 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:32,272 Maybe I'm just missing the sexiest wife in the universe. 196 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,567 - Not working today? - I've got writer's block. 197 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:39,946 I can't work out whether to call my main character Ezra 198 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,783 - or David. - Um, David. 199 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,530 I was at school with an Ezra who got expelled 200 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,952 for punching a swan in the throat. 201 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,871 Who said the second novel would be tricky? 202 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:49,952 Anything else? 203 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,785 No, no, no. I'll see you at three. 204 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,369 - Love... - (dialling tone) 205 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,045 ...you. 206 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,794 Sorry, that was my husband. 207 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,341 He has writer's block. 208 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,294 Did I mention that he was a writer, of books? 209 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,425 - Only about a million times. - Yeah, Clare mentioned it, 210 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,677 but I've never heard of him. (coughs) 211 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,140 Sorry, sorry. 212 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,473 You do realise you're not going any faster than walking, don't you? 213 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,649 You've got all the superficial trappings of a run 214 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,898 but there's people walking much faster than you. 215 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,237 You're just expending a lot of surplus energy. 216 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,398 Thank you for that analysis. 217 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,779 How late are we? 218 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,952 Well, you, my little friend, are 10 minutes early. 219 00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,747 I told you the wrong time because I knew you'd never be on schedule. 220 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,499 - Right. - Mmm! 221 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,453 I'm just trying to work out if I find that endearing 222 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:40,085 or it makes me want to bludgeon you to death with a shovel. 223 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,837 - No, it's endearing. - I think it's a shovel. 224 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,090 - It's endearing. - Do we have a shovel? 225 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,423 Well, firstly, a hearty "mazoltov" for your marriage. 226 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,429 - I think it's "mazel tov", isn't it? - Thank you. 227 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,555 - Mmm? - I always thought it was "mazel tov". 228 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,094 I don't know, I'm not Jewish. 229 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:54,558 Oh. 230 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:59,773 But, as you know, whilst everything may seem so happy now, 231 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,194 of course you could be struck down at any time. 232 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:06,241 Cancer. Heart disease. Meningitis. 233 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,985 Hit by a truck. 234 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,490 - Bam! - (gasps) 235 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:14,249 I had a client who was kicked to death by a group of disaffected youths 236 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,700 high on meow meow. 237 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,957 She'd just left the house to get potatoes. 238 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,622 - Just potatoes. - Shit. 239 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:21,957 And the tragedy was, 240 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,837 she hadn't thought to make a will. 241 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,591 - Or a Tesco home delivery. - (chuckles) 242 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:27,796 What? 243 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:29,798 Yeah. 244 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,138 She was only identifiable by her dental records. 245 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,644 Why, what had they done to her? 246 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,473 They'd made impressions of her teeth. 247 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,438 Still, fortunately, you two have had the presence of mind 248 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,564 to plan for your future. 249 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,021 So, have you considered what would happen 250 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,528 if either of you fell into a persistent... 251 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,280 - (stumbles) ...vegetatative state? - A what, sorry? 252 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,282 Persistent vegetatative state. 253 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:55,035 Mmm. One too many T's there. "Vegetative." 254 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,625 Have you considered what would happen if you fell into... 255 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:01,796 one of these guys? 256 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,541 Just pillow talk, really. 257 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,927 No, I think we did decide that we'd both like to be left to die. 258 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,593 Excellent, yes. We just switched off my aunt. 259 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,223 - I'm sorry. - Aw. 260 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,301 No, it's all right. It's no quality of life. 261 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,977 And we freed up a socket for a lava lamp. 262 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,262 Ah. 263 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,438 It's transformed the lounge. 264 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,559 - Yeah? - Yeah. 265 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,936 Largely losing her, to be fair. 266 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,278 Now, can we go through a few of these? Just give me a yes or no. 267 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,357 Are we switching the life support off? 268 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,486 Brain dead? 269 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,240 - (both) Switch it off. - Switch it off. Get it off. 270 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,367 Locked-in syndrome? 271 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,075 That's the one where you're paralysed but you can still wink. 272 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,917 It's all the... 273 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,787 It's the dribble, isn't it, that I couldn't handle. 274 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,249 - Constantly mopping up phlegm. - (Josh) I wouldn't want that. 275 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,209 You wouldn't want that. That's why you're murdering your wife. 276 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,293 (grunts) 277 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,469 So, are you switching it off? 278 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,761 - Sorry, what are you doing? - (Nat) Off! 279 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,134 - Switch it off, yeah. - Off she goes! 280 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,932 Night-night. 281 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,269 Um, brain-damaged and vegetative. 282 00:14:58,356 --> 00:14:59,846 - Thank you. - Mmm. 283 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,769 Um, brain stem undamaged. 284 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,726 So you're breathing, you're swallowing, you're fine, 285 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,813 but you are still literally a shell of a person 286 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,571 with no capacity for any emotion or thought. 287 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,369 Much like my Susan. 288 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,245 My little joke. 289 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,702 (chuckles) 290 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,625 - Off, off. - Off, yeah, off. 291 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:24,579 Get that off, off, off, off! 292 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,420 Well, this is slightly more depressing 293 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,671 - than I'd imagined. - Oh, no. Come one. 294 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,968 And you haven't even received my bill yet. (chuckles) 295 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,511 (laughs) 296 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,134 That's a good 'un. That is a good "un. 297 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,641 - An electric peppermill? - (whirring) 298 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,566 I can't believe you got an electric peppermill. 299 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,482 We thought we had to have at least one dinner party 300 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,234 to use all the crap we got bought. 301 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,364 At least that's a useful gift. 302 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:54,363 D'you know what I mean? I hate those gifts where someone says, 303 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,489 "Do you know what I've done for you? 304 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,945 "I've donated to charity on your behalf." 305 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,871 "Have you? Really?" Bollocks to that. 306 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,450 If I'm getting married, why should some African fella get a couple of goats? 307 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,080 I want a fucking smoothie maker, d'you know what I mean? 308 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,214 - Did you get them goats? - Four of them. 309 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,336 - Four goats? - Yeah. 310 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,963 That's a lovely gift, that, because they need goats. 311 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,466 African fellas pleased. 312 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:18,095 Go on, tell us about your honeymoon. 313 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,806 It was lovely. It was idyllic. 314 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,183 Morocco's beautiful. 315 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,604 - Amazing place, yeah. - (Nat) Yeah. 316 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:24,977 It was just a bit long, really. 317 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,057 I was really sad when we came back. 318 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,644 (Nat) Well, things hit a low point when we found ourselves 319 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,900 in the Essaouira Museum of Leather Manufacturing 320 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,069 discussing if we had a superpower, what would it be? 321 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,152 I actually really enjoyed that. I thought that was really fun. 322 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,736 (Danny) I think if I was gonna have any superpower, 323 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,572 it would be the ability to speak Spanish. 324 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,949 That would be amazing, wouldn't it? Because you could say stuff like, 325 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,581 - Hola, gazpacho. - (Nat) You just said it. 326 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,161 - (Josh) You're saying it now. - Oh, wow. 327 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,667 Hmm. 328 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,090 Not strictly speaking a superpower, though, is it, really? 329 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,918 Otherwise everyone in Brazil would be superheroes. 330 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,552 Mmm, true. 331 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,387 They speak Portuguese in Brazil. 332 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:58,465 You cock. 333 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,717 (laughs) 334 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,722 - Mmm? - Keep it for the car. 335 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,054 Um, so... Wait, so, Josh, 336 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,060 - what did you choose? - Boring, really. Super-strength. 337 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,812 That's what I would choose, too! 338 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:12,028 I think it would be so handy to be able to open, like, jam jars. 339 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,230 Jam jars! That's exactly... Isn't that exactly what I said? 340 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,737 - That's exactly what you said. - (Josh) That's exactly what I said. 341 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,862 - That's so funny. - That is so funny. 342 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,696 Are we eight years old, all of a sudden? This is what children talk about. 343 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,246 All right, Nat, calm down, we were only having a joke. 344 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,494 Yeah, joke's over. 345 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,076 Ooh. "Grounds for divorce dot com." 346 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:30,296 Shut up, you "bell-end dot-co-dot-uk". 347 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,216 To be honest, I'm not sure you could get a divorce 348 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,918 because I'm not even sure you're officially married. 349 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,252 Because they never officially split up. 350 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,798 (chuckling) 351 00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:41,591 - What? - What? 352 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:42,847 They never officially split up. 353 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,177 What are you talking about? 354 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,806 - You never officially broke up, did you? - (mouthing) 355 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:52,732 Yeah, actually it's, um... it's pretty funny, really, 356 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:56,941 because, um, when I left for Africa, 357 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,695 we sort of never formally ended it. 358 00:17:58,786 --> 00:17:59,821 Never formal. 359 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,778 (Chloe chuckles) 360 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,988 We just sort of... We left it open. 361 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,198 Wide open. 362 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,499 Then I ended up being gone for four years. 363 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,998 - About four years... - But what's four years, really? 364 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,872 (chuckles) 365 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,006 (peppermill whirring) 366 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:15,546 I've told you this. 367 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,634 - Nat. Nat. - Hmm? 368 00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:20,885 I've told you this. 369 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,472 He wasn't happy, though, I'll tell you, that time. 370 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,976 Honestly, we used to refer to 2008 as the sort of... as the "lost year". 371 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,148 - Mate. - He would just sit there in his pants. 372 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,943 You know, drinking and playing Grand Theft Auto, masturbating. 373 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,232 - No! - (groans) 374 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,360 (Danny) Sometimes all three at once. 375 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,690 That's an impressive thing. I couldn't do that. 376 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,445 I could practise for ages, I wouldn't be able to do that. 377 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:41,571 Imagine that on Britain's Got Talent. 378 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:49,118 Nat, I'm really sorry about that, back there. 379 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,417 I just... I thought that you knew. 380 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,496 Oh, no, don't be silly. It was years ago. 381 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:56,709 2008, I was still using "LOL" un-ironically 382 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:57,837 and wearing ballet flats. 383 00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,718 Look at those. You look really cute in those. 384 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,924 - Thanks, thanks. - Pretty. 385 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:06,934 Um... 386 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,433 Yeah, well, you know, it really was a long time ago 387 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,934 and we were both so young. 388 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:13,062 We were so different back then. 389 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,894 And now he's married to the coolest woman on the planet. 390 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,274 You're sweet. 391 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,948 I thought, "I've got it made, I married a doctor." 392 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,025 And then you realise, you're gonna wake up every day 393 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,609 to the same hairy ears. 394 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:27,121 The same slightly deformed fungal toenail. 395 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,790 And you're gonna have to listen to that weird, 396 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,708 ear-throat-clearing sound they make 397 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,160 every day until you are dead. 398 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,836 (grunting) 399 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,254 (groans in disgust) 400 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,632 And the same penis. 401 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,091 I may, literally, never see another penis again. 402 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,130 Unless it's a small child's. 403 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,180 Or if you get sexually assaulted. 404 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,141 (chuckles) 405 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:59,271 And Josh's is lovely. You know, we have an incredible sex life. 406 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,526 But that's not the point, you know. 407 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,570 I love Michael Jackson's Off the Wall album. 408 00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:06,619 I wouldn't necessarily want to only listen to that for the rest of my life. 409 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,822 Yeah. Oh, honey, I've been there. 410 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,412 I mean, you'll listen to it a lot in the beginning. 411 00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:12,867 You'll listen to it in all different sorts of places. 412 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,828 You'll listen to it in the car, 413 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,663 in the disabled toilet cubicle in the McDonald's in Egham, 414 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,086 in your unconscious granny's hospital room. 415 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,260 - Granny Mary? - It's what she would have wanted. 416 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,755 But then, you know, 417 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:26,931 you're just gonna get to the point 418 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,928 where you're not that bothered about listening to music at all. 419 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,560 You just play it on birthdays, 420 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,014 or when you're very, very drunk. 421 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,564 Or... 422 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,397 if someone shows you a Justin Bieber video 423 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,648 when you're in the office 424 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,528 and, you know, all you can then think about is that. 425 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,576 Isn't he, like, 157? 426 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,620 Oh, he'd know what to do. 427 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,704 I'd ruin Bieber. 428 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:57,208 You would. You would ruin him. 429 00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,288 (grunting) 430 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,125 Fuck. It's the soundtrack to my marriage. 431 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,130 Don't get married, you. Too late for you. 432 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,928 Penny for them. 433 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,143 Your thoughts. How you doing? 434 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,641 Hey, Danny. 435 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,146 (groans) 436 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,111 Let's get the party started. 437 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,235 Get comfy. Get comfy. 438 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,857 (both sighing) 439 00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:37,668 (indistinct) 440 00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:41,047 You know, I shouldn't really tell you this, but I was talking to Josh... 441 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,794 - (Chloe clears throat) - ...and, um, 442 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,673 he said that the sex between him and Nat 443 00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,050 is amazing. 444 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,677 He said that it blows everything he's had in the past out the water. 445 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:51,974 Out of the water! 446 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:55,725 - Wow. That is tremendous news. - Tremendous news for him, 447 00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,101 - he's really pleased, yeah. - It's... Yeah. 448 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,774 I suppose that's not really your thing, is it? Sex and sexiness. 449 00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:03,152 You're more... How would you describe yourself? 450 00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:06,443 Kind of "kind," do you know what I mean? Charitable. 451 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,405 It's a shame, in a way, that they couldn't put... 452 00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:14,034 your brain in her body. D'you know what I mean? That would be amazing. 453 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:16,081 Although what would you be left with? You'd be left with, like... 454 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:17,408 Ooh, you'd be left with her brain in your body. 455 00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:20,541 Imagine that. Just rampaging around, out of control. 456 00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:22,963 (grunts) "What's that? 457 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,165 "Oh, my God, it's like Frankenstein, 458 00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,627 "but with, like, boobs." (mock-screaming) 459 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,963 Villagers coming out with pitchforks and torches. "Kill it!" 460 00:22:30,808 --> 00:22:33,516 - It'd be just terrifying. - It would be terrifying. 461 00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:35,468 It would be horrible. 462 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:38,312 No. Joking, joking. I'd do you. 463 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:42,020 - If you wanted. You know. - Thank you. 464 00:22:42,111 --> 00:22:46,150 If I had to make a top-10 of women I know that I would do, 465 00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:48,281 you'd be in that list. 466 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,358 Number seven. All right? 467 00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,284 - Thank you. Thanks, Danny. - Seriously. 468 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:56,413 Do you want to get a drink sometime? Maybe pop out and get a drink sometime? 469 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,453 Um, I... No. 470 00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:00,831 - Yeah? - No. 471 00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:02,377 You say no, I say yes. 472 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,750 (laughs) 473 00:23:04,842 --> 00:23:07,049 (Nat) So, remember to play up our ethical credentials. 474 00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:08,797 Don't mention the BP campaign. 475 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:12,006 And let's emphasise the online campaign we did for Greenpeace. 476 00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:13,260 Our job is to convince people 477 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:15,432 his solvents won't render the planet a barren, lifeless husk 478 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,977 - unfit for future generations. - (Clare) Piece of piss. 479 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,269 How are we gonna do that, then? 480 00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:21,188 Well, if he's a cheapskate like his dad, 481 00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:23,354 we suggest making the typeface green and yellow 482 00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:26,778 and sticking some sort of sunflower or butterfly on the logo. 483 00:23:26,864 --> 00:23:27,899 It's textbook. 484 00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,814 Depressingly, you could be right. 485 00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:33,151 I expect he'll be some sort of tasteless Yank, 486 00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,156 obsessed with how we're all so quaint, 487 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:36,737 spell "colour" with a "u", 488 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:40,541 worship Benny Hill and then say "awesome" a lot. 489 00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:43,081 Yeah. And he'll probably do that Austin Powers accent. 490 00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:44,583 You know the one. "Yeah, baby!" 491 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:45,708 (Clare laughs) 492 00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:46,789 (Helen) I didn't watch that film 493 00:23:46,884 --> 00:23:48,420 because it's absolutely not my cup of tea. 494 00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:51,252 And then plump for whatever turns out to be the cheapest option. 495 00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:52,382 That's my prediction. 496 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,558 - You're not eating today? - There's a lot of mercury in that. 497 00:23:57,895 --> 00:23:59,135 Then why don't you get a fucking sandwich? 498 00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:00,811 I am gonna get a fucking sandwich, Clare, 499 00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:01,979 but I'm not gonna have one with bread in it 500 00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:03,648 because I'm a coeliac. You know that. 501 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,059 So I was thinking about your book. 502 00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:07,609 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 503 00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:11,234 I reckon that I prefer "Ezra" to "David" as a name. 504 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:14,988 There was a David at school who, if you paid him 50 cents, 505 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,820 was prepared to lick anything. 506 00:24:16,914 --> 00:24:18,905 - Literally anything. - Let's talk about it over dinner 507 00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:21,832 because Nat's out tonight, another work thing. 508 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:23,333 I'm starving. 509 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:25,999 I mean, obviously, it's all relative. 510 00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:27,421 I feel their plight. 511 00:24:27,508 --> 00:24:29,294 I only had a Kinder Bueno for lunch. 512 00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:31,672 Mmm, I can't tonight. I'm going out with Charlie. 513 00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:34,884 What, again? That's the third time in two weeks. 514 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:36,840 (chuckles) You're counting? 515 00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,132 Sorry to interrupt. 516 00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:39,763 Those articles you wanted from this morning. 517 00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,560 - Thanks. - Thank you. 518 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:44,806 So, what, am I just supposed to stay home 519 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,311 in the hopes you've got a free night? 520 00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:47,642 No. 521 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:49,477 I just don't want to see you getting hurt, that's all. 522 00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:51,107 (phone ringing) 523 00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:54,361 (whispering) Is that him? 524 00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:55,733 (whispering) Yeah. 525 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:58,820 (Josh) Well, I see someone managed to find a Burger King out in Sudan. 526 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,292 I've just seen Guy Harrap in reception! 527 00:25:09,383 --> 00:25:11,875 And I would jump on him like a bouncy castle. 528 00:25:11,969 --> 00:25:13,425 Remember to take off your shoes, and no somersaults. 529 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,002 - I need your ring. - What? 530 00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:16,679 - We really need this account. - Are you on drugs? 531 00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:19,048 Come on, it's not like you're gonna jump into bed with the man. 532 00:25:19,143 --> 00:25:20,383 - (door opens) - Clare! 533 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:21,558 What's up? 534 00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:24,262 - Guy Harrap. - (Nat) Hello. 535 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,437 Who we got here? 536 00:25:25,816 --> 00:25:27,853 Natasha Redfearn, Accounts Director. 537 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:28,933 - Sweet. - Hi. 538 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,689 Is there anything we can offer you? 539 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:33,771 Hot diggity dog, I love the way you say that. 540 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,527 Huh? The way she says that? "Offer"? 541 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,107 Off.. Can you say that again? 542 00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:38,738 - Oh... - (mimics) "Offer" me. 543 00:25:39,163 --> 00:25:40,369 Um, offer. 544 00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:41,992 - There itis. There itis. - (chuckles) 545 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,163 - Here, give me some of that. - Oh. 546 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,207 - All right. Pound it. - Yes. Oh. 547 00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:48,161 I got an idea. Let's sit down, let's talk some business. Huh? 548 00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:51,547 (Nat) Mr Harrap, we're delighted that you've come to us 549 00:25:51,633 --> 00:25:53,215 to take Harraps Solvents forward 550 00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:56,335 and rebrand in the fresh challenges presented by the new media climate. 551 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:59,214 Awesome. Totally awesome. Bingo, huh? 552 00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,808 We're very pleased with some of the concepts 553 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:04,636 we've come up with for the new incarnation of Harraps. 554 00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:08,439 Yeah, as long as you don't fob me off with some yellow-and-green font. 555 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:11,275 I mean, how many times have we seen that, right? 556 00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:12,817 Yes, exactly. No. 557 00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:14,319 Too many! Far... 558 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,319 (stammering) What we were pla... What we were thinking is to take... 559 00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,865 - a holistic approach... - (Guy) Mmm-hmm. 560 00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:26,833 ...focusing on the core brand values of integrity... 561 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:27,954 Integrity. 562 00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:29,702 Got it. Thank you. 563 00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:31,579 ...responsibility... 564 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,178 - that epitomise... - Mmm. 565 00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:41,510 ...what Harraps stands for. 566 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,591 Harraps. That's very good. 567 00:26:46,897 --> 00:26:51,232 Well, to be honest, at Oxford, my economics professor 568 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:54,060 favoured a fully integrated four-quadrant strategy 569 00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:56,528 cohesive across all media, 570 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,777 presenting an instantly accessible, 571 00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:01,609 aesthetic, philosophical and commercial identity 572 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:05,071 consistent with an ethical contemporary market leader 573 00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:09,079 whilst embracing its legacy of integrity. 574 00:27:09,253 --> 00:27:10,288 Yeah, baby! 575 00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:12,040 (Clare giggling) That's Austin Powers. 576 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:15,039 I love that film. 577 00:27:15,217 --> 00:27:17,879 - I'm so sorry, I just... - l know. 578 00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:22,840 You thought I was a tasteless Yank obsessed with how quaint you all are. 579 00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:25,015 That's so quaint. 580 00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:27,218 It's incredibly embarrassing. 581 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,428 But we have plenty of other proposals to show you. 582 00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:32,891 No, I don't need to see them. These things aren't done in boardrooms. 583 00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:36,152 We should get to know each other, Miss Redfearn. 584 00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:38,570 A holistic approach, as you say. 585 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:39,897 (Nat chuckles) 586 00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:42,945 Well, agreed, but, uh, 587 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:46,199 but from the outset, you should know that I've just got, um... 588 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:56,585 another account that I have to focus on for the next few days. 589 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:58,711 - It's been a pleasure. - Thanks. 590 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:01,043 - I'm so sorry again for the... - No, please. 591 00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:02,628 Bye. 592 00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:04,471 Bye. 593 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:14,060 (mouths) 594 00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:19,525 When we first met, I just thought Josh was exactly what I needed. 595 00:28:19,615 --> 00:28:21,105 You know, I felt... 596 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,988 so safe, and then... 597 00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:25,571 (mobile ringing) 598 00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:28,112 I think what she's trying to say is, 599 00:28:28,207 --> 00:28:30,164 is that the everyday reality of marriage 600 00:28:30,250 --> 00:28:32,161 started to overtake the fairytale, 601 00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:34,539 - the fantasy, right? - Ooh, hark at you. 602 00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:37,296 Somebody swallowed a copy of Eat, Pray, Love. 603 00:28:37,591 --> 00:28:40,549 - No, I think as...we... - (mobile ringing) 604 00:28:42,179 --> 00:28:43,795 I'm gonna have to take this. 605 00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:46,050 Yep, fine, I'm in a session. 606 00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:49,804 Can't you pick them up? 607 00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:52,011 Give me two minutes. 608 00:28:52,105 --> 00:28:54,472 Talk about your feelings or your father or something. 609 00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:07,989 (Angela Rippon) Coming up on Cash in the Attic, 610 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,947 a delightful silver brooch made by a celebrated war hero. 611 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,332 The bin's full. 612 00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:15,626 - Can you take it out? - Yeah. 613 00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,791 The One Tree Hill omnibus is about to start. 614 00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:21,874 Lauren's about to tell Jake that baby Connor's not his. 615 00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:32,518 (GASPS) Oh, Christ. Your husband is so adorable. 616 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,891 Yes. He really is. 617 00:29:38,986 --> 00:29:40,852 So ostentatious. 618 00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:45,318 Have you seen my phone? 619 00:29:45,409 --> 00:29:47,696 No. When did you last have it? 620 00:29:47,828 --> 00:29:49,910 Well, if I knew that, it wouldn't be lost, would it? 621 00:29:49,997 --> 00:29:51,908 That's the point of something being lost. 622 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,206 (grunts) 623 00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,366 You're always here. 624 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:59,123 Why are you always here? 625 00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,752 (frog croaking over laptop) 626 00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:05,714 Come and have a look at this video of a monkey fucking a bullfrog. 627 00:30:07,723 --> 00:30:09,259 He's killed it! 628 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:11,548 He's killed it by fucking it! 629 00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:14,890 (grunts) 630 00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,602 ( 631 00:30:19,693 --> 00:30:22,811 (singing along) Ji Sweet dreams are made of this 632 00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:26,693 ♪ Who am I to disagree? 633 00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:30,572 ♪ I travel the world in generic jeans 634 00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:31,739 ♪ Everybody's... 635 00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:34,242 Seriously, Nat. Seriously, hang on a sec. 636 00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:36,700 Why do you never get the words to a song right? 637 00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:39,660 Does it really matter? 638 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:42,497 What, "I've travelled the world in generic jeans"? 639 00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:44,252 Really? Come on. 640 00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:48,094 I was just singing. Didn't realise it was so important. 641 00:30:48,221 --> 00:30:50,053 Do you really think that Annie Lennox is singing about 642 00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:52,677 whether she happened to travel the world in Levis or Wranglers? 643 00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,304 (chuckles) 644 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,514 Okay. Wow. 645 00:30:59,149 --> 00:31:01,015 And while we're at it, Elton John isn't singing, 646 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:03,350 "Hold me close and tie me down, sir." 647 00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:06,654 Kurt Cobain isn't singing, "Here we are now in containers." 648 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:09,949 If you can't sing it right, don't sing at all. It's idiotic. 649 00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,993 Says the man dressed as a pea. 650 00:31:21,004 --> 00:31:24,838 (Linda) I can't believe we're having the same fucking row! 651 00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:28,967 Oh! Not listening! Not listening! Not listening! 652 00:31:29,638 --> 00:31:31,003 No! Fuck you! 653 00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:35,057 (grunts) Oh, my God, you're such an arsehole! 654 00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:37,384 Yes, you are! You are such a cock-sucking, 655 00:31:37,479 --> 00:31:39,971 shit-stabbing, fucking arsehole! 656 00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:44,024 I could just fucking stab you right in the eyes! 657 00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,852 What the fuck are you looking at? 658 00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:48,563 You could do with a fuck! 659 00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:50,948 No, not you! Nobody wants to fuck you! 660 00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:53,366 You fucking frigid arsehole! 661 00:31:53,829 --> 00:31:55,490 Yeah, fuck you! 662 00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,374 (Guy) So, here we are. 663 00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:04,169 The hub of the Harraps empire. 664 00:32:05,507 --> 00:32:06,838 What do you think? 665 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:09,541 Hopefully, you can see why I wanted you to check this place out. 666 00:32:09,678 --> 00:32:14,468 It's state-of-the-art and responsible for a turnover last year of 37 million. 667 00:32:14,516 --> 00:32:20,307 If you squirted air from a large space into a slightly smaller space last year, 668 00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:23,347 chances are you did it through one of these. 669 00:32:24,192 --> 00:32:26,183 Every time I squirt out a little bit of air, 670 00:32:26,236 --> 00:32:27,897 I'll think of you. 671 00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:33,027 That sounded weird, but you know what I mean. 672 00:32:33,702 --> 00:32:35,363 Yeah, sure. 673 00:32:38,832 --> 00:32:40,664 There's someone I want you to meet. 674 00:32:40,709 --> 00:32:44,202 Janet's been working here for, what, 42 years? 675 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,499 Forty-three in June. Hello. 676 00:32:46,548 --> 00:32:50,712 Yep, my grandfather exploited her, my father exploited her, 677 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:51,875 now I get to exploit her. 678 00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:55,505 He's a good lad, this one. He takes care of us. 679 00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:58,720 You won't find anybody here with a bad word to say about him. 680 00:32:58,852 --> 00:32:59,887 Except Sarah. 681 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,727 But she's a proper shithouse. 682 00:33:02,939 --> 00:33:04,020 Really? 683 00:33:04,274 --> 00:33:06,891 He just needs to settle down, start a family. 684 00:33:07,194 --> 00:33:08,901 So, what do you think? 685 00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,731 - Wife material? - Definitely. 686 00:33:10,906 --> 00:33:12,192 Better than the last one. 687 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,730 You should see some of the... 688 00:33:13,867 --> 00:33:15,528 Yeah, I could dock your wages for insubordination. 689 00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:16,863 Get back to work. 690 00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:20,906 Clostridium acetobutylicum doesn't acidogenically ferment itself. 691 00:33:23,251 --> 00:33:24,707 (chuckles) 692 00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:27,370 It looks like you've got the Janet seal of approval. 693 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:29,629 I'm not sure I'm the marrying type. 694 00:33:29,799 --> 00:33:33,087 You realise you'd be the heir to a solvents fortune. 695 00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:34,884 And that's not to be sniffed at. 696 00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:37,092 Literally, it could result in convulsions, 697 00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:38,551 coma, severe brain damage, 698 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,307 and in some cases, mental retardation. 699 00:33:40,644 --> 00:33:42,100 (laughs) 700 00:33:42,145 --> 00:33:45,604 They do all seem remarkably happy here. Is it the fumes? 701 00:33:46,650 --> 00:33:48,982 These people, they're like family to me. 702 00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:50,942 I've grown up on this factory floor. 703 00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:53,570 I spent every summer here since I was two. 704 00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:57,775 If you're good to people, people will be good to you. 705 00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:02,113 It's what my dad taught me. It's what I want to teach my kids. 706 00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:05,749 And I want to end all wars and cure cancer. 707 00:34:05,794 --> 00:34:06,955 (laughs) 708 00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,331 - All right? - Yeah. What? 709 00:34:46,835 --> 00:34:49,497 You really... You don't have to come tonight if you don't want to. 710 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:51,336 No, I want to be there. Your husband should support you. 711 00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:53,163 You look incredible. 712 00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:54,706 I warn you, you'll be bored to tears 713 00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:56,834 'cause I'm gonna have to network all night. 714 00:34:56,886 --> 00:34:58,797 - (door buzzing) - That's the cab. Seriously. 715 00:35:00,015 --> 00:35:02,382 - Last chance to bail. - No, I want to go. I love a party. 716 00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:04,554 Uh, will I need a coat? Is it cold out? 717 00:35:04,686 --> 00:35:06,176 Why do you always ask me that? 718 00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:09,013 How should I know if you need a coat? 719 00:35:09,149 --> 00:35:11,732 I've been outside today, you've been outside today. 720 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:15,819 I have precisely the same amount of meteorological information as you do. 721 00:35:21,494 --> 00:35:22,700 Josh! 722 00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:26,493 (dance music playing) 723 00:35:27,042 --> 00:35:29,204 (inaudible) 724 00:35:31,004 --> 00:35:33,871 I wouldn't want to be stuck behind him going through airport security. 725 00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:35,038 (laughs) 726 00:35:35,592 --> 00:35:37,583 (speaking Japanese) 727 00:35:41,014 --> 00:35:42,721 (all laughing) 728 00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:45,724 Because it's all metal. (laughing) 729 00:35:46,227 --> 00:35:48,059 He's so funny, your husband. You've got a good one there. 730 00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:49,390 (Nat) Thanks, that's sweet. 731 00:35:49,439 --> 00:35:50,929 (speaking Japanese) 732 00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:54,100 Why don't you, um, go and mingle? 733 00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:55,521 There's a band upstairs. 734 00:35:56,029 --> 00:35:58,566 No, I think I'm gonna stay here. But you go, mingle, enjoy yourself. 735 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:03,070 Are you staying here because you think you have a good joke about that photo? 736 00:36:04,037 --> 00:36:05,072 What? 737 00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:07,237 You are! 738 00:36:07,749 --> 00:36:10,241 You're staying here so you can say that joke about the photo. 739 00:36:10,293 --> 00:36:12,580 It's a good joke. I actually have a couple. 740 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:14,623 Wouldn't want to be behind him going through airport security. 741 00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,588 (all laughing) 742 00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,632 At least, if you went out with him, 743 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,296 you'd always have a little place to hang your coat. 744 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:21,634 (all laughing) 745 00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:23,795 I'm Josh Moss. Nice to meet you. 746 00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:25,548 - Hi. - Ooh! She's gone. 747 00:36:27,310 --> 00:36:29,426 You could put your keys on there, couldn't you? (chuckles) 748 00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:35,440 (Jane) I think that's just what happens when you sleep next to an open sewer. 749 00:36:35,777 --> 00:36:38,735 Had amoebic dysentery. Twice. 750 00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,103 In Rwanda at one point, 751 00:36:40,156 --> 00:36:43,114 I was actually defecating pieces of my colon. 752 00:36:44,619 --> 00:36:46,951 (soft Indian music playing) 753 00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:51,456 (dance music thrumming) 754 00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:54,618 Miss Redfearn. 755 00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:57,417 Guy! 756 00:36:59,092 --> 00:37:01,504 Lovely to see you. ler... I didn't realise you were here. 757 00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:03,752 You know, it's actually good that I ran into you 758 00:37:03,805 --> 00:37:05,796 because I was thinking about some of those community outreach... 759 00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:07,798 Could we take one night off from talking shop? 760 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:11,681 Am I allowed to say you're looking incredible? 761 00:37:11,813 --> 00:37:13,429 Technically, no. (chuckles) 762 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:15,142 That would constitute sexual harassment. 763 00:37:15,275 --> 00:37:18,438 You're right. The rules and regulations on that are very strict these days. 764 00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:23,196 I actually have a copy of the Sexual Discrimination Act 2007 in my hotel room 765 00:37:23,324 --> 00:37:24,780 if you'd like to come back and peruse it. 766 00:37:24,826 --> 00:37:26,157 (laughs) 767 00:37:26,286 --> 00:37:28,653 Although Christmas parties don't really count. 768 00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:32,330 They're an opportunity to tell the person 769 00:37:32,375 --> 00:37:33,865 you've had a secret crush on all year 770 00:37:34,002 --> 00:37:36,835 how you really feel about them. 771 00:37:39,549 --> 00:37:41,506 Aren't they? 772 00:37:42,010 --> 00:37:43,500 Are they? 773 00:37:43,553 --> 00:37:45,214 Of course. 774 00:37:45,346 --> 00:37:48,555 I think protocol and decorum go right out the window. 775 00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:50,556 I mean, look at that guy. 776 00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:53,180 That is embarrassing. 777 00:37:53,855 --> 00:37:55,016 Who is he? 778 00:37:55,148 --> 00:37:56,730 Leave him alone, he's just had a few. 779 00:37:56,858 --> 00:37:58,644 Hang on. He's attempting the Beyoncé booty shake. 780 00:37:58,693 --> 00:38:02,152 Either that or he's being sodomised by the Invisible Man. 781 00:38:02,197 --> 00:38:04,564 Oh, he's just had a few too many cocktails. 782 00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,064 He's wasted. 783 00:38:06,826 --> 00:38:09,193 - Having a good time. - Yeah, sure is. 784 00:38:12,415 --> 00:38:14,201 (Josh) Oi, oi! 785 00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:18,334 Hold on. Look out, here comes twinkle toes. 786 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:19,915 He's making a beeline. 787 00:38:20,048 --> 00:38:21,834 I got your back, I'll just say I'm your boyfriend. 788 00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:22,998 - No, you don't have to do that. - It's fine. 789 00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:27,548 This party's amazing. So much fun. 790 00:38:28,223 --> 00:38:30,715 Guy Harrap. Pleased to meet you. 791 00:38:31,518 --> 00:38:35,386 Oh! The solvents guy! 792 00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:38,559 How are you? Nice to meet you. He's so handsome, isn't he? 793 00:38:38,608 --> 00:38:40,895 (Josh growling) 794 00:38:41,444 --> 00:38:43,105 Whoo! 795 00:38:43,238 --> 00:38:45,070 - (glass shattering) - Bollocks. 796 00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:48,402 Sorry. 797 00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:49,904 Come on! 798 00:38:50,453 --> 00:38:51,443 Is that... 799 00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:53,445 Yeah, I suppose that's what office parties are for, huh? 800 00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:54,787 That's hilarious! 801 00:38:54,916 --> 00:38:57,578 Free booze and a chance to make out with the boss. 802 00:38:57,919 --> 00:38:59,250 Well, I'm technically self-employed, 803 00:38:59,379 --> 00:39:02,588 so I'll just have to settle for a can of Budweiser and a wank. 804 00:39:03,091 --> 00:39:04,126 Charming. 805 00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:07,292 Can I ask the sexiest woman in the room for a dance? 806 00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:08,463 Listen, I... 807 00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:11,213 We're actually talking business. So, maybe later. 808 00:39:11,266 --> 00:39:14,099 - (53 Bonkers by Dizzee Rascal) - Wait, they're playing your song. 809 00:39:15,228 --> 00:39:17,435 Shouldn't you be busting a move? 810 00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:27,437 (howls) 811 00:39:31,578 --> 00:39:33,444 You almost have to admire him for giving it a go. 812 00:39:33,496 --> 00:39:35,078 You owe me one. 813 00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:38,289 How about we make our excuses"? 814 00:39:38,334 --> 00:39:39,995 I have a table on hold at Nobu. 815 00:39:40,128 --> 00:39:42,119 No, I can't, I've a... 816 00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:45,084 I should go. I think I need some fresh air. 817 00:39:45,466 --> 00:39:46,797 Sure. 818 00:39:48,303 --> 00:39:50,340 Hang on, I'm swapping hands. 819 00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:56,676 So, you had an extra naan and two glasses of wine, 820 00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:59,018 SO you owe an extra four pounds. 821 00:39:59,147 --> 00:40:00,478 Drew... (clicks tongue) 822 00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:03,315 ...you had the mango lassi, so that's an extra three pounds. 823 00:40:03,985 --> 00:40:07,649 I swear, the mass graves in Mogadishu weren't as awful as this. 824 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:09,312 Do you want to bail? 825 00:40:09,699 --> 00:40:11,315 (Jane) Did you have the chicken jalfrezi? 826 00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:13,149 I want to stay. It's fun. 827 00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:15,448 No, I've said hello to everybody I need to. 828 00:40:15,496 --> 00:40:17,453 It's just gonna get messy and it's no fun being a spectator. 829 00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,365 (man) I wouldn't like to be stood behind him at airport security. 830 00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:23,163 - (people laughing) - That was my joke! He stole it! 831 00:40:23,296 --> 00:40:25,003 He's taking credit for my humour. Should I say something? 832 00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:26,496 Jesus, Josh! 833 00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:29,128 When did you turn into such a prat? 834 00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:33,511 Stay. Dance like a fucking idiot, tell your stupid jokes. I'm going home. 835 00:40:35,183 --> 00:40:37,675 (man) That hoop in his ear, he could hang his house keys on it. 836 00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:39,221 (people laughing) 837 00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:49,903 God, you are so sexy. 838 00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,066 (chuckles) 839 00:40:51,199 --> 00:40:52,689 (whispering) You're so sexy. 840 00:40:52,825 --> 00:40:54,031 Thanks. 841 00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:57,360 (Charlie moaning) 842 00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:02,700 Hey, that's it, honey, slide in, room for one more. Huh? 843 00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,993 Hey, Alexandra. 844 00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:09,210 You look really nice. 845 00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:12,755 Different from work. 846 00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:16,095 Do you two want to have a little hello kiss? 847 00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:18,090 - Um, hello. - That's it. 848 00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:20,099 Hi. 849 00:41:20,561 --> 00:41:21,596 Mmm, that's it. 850 00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:25,105 Did you guys like that dinner tonight? 851 00:41:26,275 --> 00:41:29,108 Did you go for the rice or the naan? 852 00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:31,232 I went for the naan. 853 00:41:31,364 --> 00:41:32,729 (Charlie) Yeah? Mmm! 854 00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,731 You are so naughty. 855 00:41:35,076 --> 00:41:37,033 - Why are you so naughty? - (giggling) 856 00:41:37,078 --> 00:41:40,366 I don't know, Charlie, why is that? 857 00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:42,747 Did your mom smoke during her pregnancy? 858 00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,251 Oh, okay. 859 00:41:46,879 --> 00:41:48,119 All right. 860 00:41:48,256 --> 00:41:50,372 That's it. Yeah, I like that. 861 00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:52,381 Threesome. We're going to have a threesome. 862 00:41:52,427 --> 00:41:53,633 We're having a threesome. 863 00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:55,756 Let's go. 864 00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:58,926 - Chloe's climbing aboard. - That's it. 865 00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:02,430 Here we go. Oh, yeah. 866 00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,890 Oh! Oh, yeah. 867 00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:06,646 Chloe's on top now. 868 00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:08,139 The cherry on top. 869 00:42:08,276 --> 00:42:09,607 Oh, yeah. 870 00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:12,148 Oh, yeah. Now she's on the bottom. 871 00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:14,980 Chloe loves being on bottom. 872 00:42:15,116 --> 00:42:16,106 Oh, yes. 873 00:42:16,576 --> 00:42:19,785 Yes, squeeze my breast. That feels amazing. 874 00:42:19,912 --> 00:42:21,277 Néando para, Charlie. 875 00:42:21,789 --> 00:42:23,120 Yeah, Charlie, 876 00:42:23,249 --> 00:42:25,456 I can speak another language as well. 877 00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,246 Me llamo Chloe, Charlie. 878 00:42:28,504 --> 00:42:30,962 Yo tengo un hermano! 879 00:42:31,090 --> 00:42:32,125 (both moaning) 880 00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:33,623 - That's it. - Okay. 881 00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:35,087 Okay. Yeah, that's it. 882 00:42:35,136 --> 00:42:36,672 Chloe's in the middle now. 883 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,966 Okay. 884 00:42:39,098 --> 00:42:42,136 - Oh, yes. It feels amazing, doesn't it? - (Charlie moaning agreement) 885 00:42:42,185 --> 00:42:43,926 Feels so good. 886 00:42:44,854 --> 00:42:46,265 (Charlie moaning) 887 00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:50,478 God, you're strong, Alexandra. 888 00:42:51,611 --> 00:42:52,601 Yes. 889 00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:54,603 - (Alexandra squeals) - (Chloe groans) 890 00:42:54,947 --> 00:42:55,937 Down here again. 891 00:42:56,991 --> 00:43:00,029 Oh, yeah, put your fingers in my mouth. I love that. 892 00:43:01,329 --> 00:43:04,663 Especially after Indian. It's amazing. 893 00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:06,330 Excuse me. 894 00:43:06,667 --> 00:43:08,328 Excuse me. No! 895 00:43:09,045 --> 00:43:10,956 All right. Enough! 896 00:43:11,506 --> 00:43:13,213 I am leaving! 897 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,791 You people, you're sick! 898 00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:17,667 (moaning) 899 00:43:21,474 --> 00:43:22,839 I actually forgot my skirt. 900 00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,841 I'm sorry. 901 00:43:30,858 --> 00:43:33,350 Okay, thanks. Thanks, everybody. 902 00:43:34,695 --> 00:43:37,733 And FYI, you both still have your underwear on. 903 00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,981 (exclaiming in Portuguese) 904 00:43:55,883 --> 00:43:57,339 (door closing) 905 00:44:08,855 --> 00:44:10,391 (mobile chimes) 906 00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:20,731 (on message) Hey, it's Chloe. I really need to speak to you. 907 00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:27,282 (door buzzing) 908 00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:30,081 - (Chloe) Hey. - Hi, it's me. 909 00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,368 I demand you let me in. I've got coffee 910 00:44:33,421 --> 00:44:34,752 and a bag of those little sweets you like 911 00:44:34,881 --> 00:44:36,371 that look like mini fried eggs. 912 00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:38,460 (door buzzing) 913 00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:43,796 It was humiliating, degrading. 914 00:44:44,557 --> 00:44:45,592 (sighs) 915 00:44:45,725 --> 00:44:48,717 I don't even know how I got myself into that position. 916 00:44:48,769 --> 00:44:51,136 I am not a threesome person. 917 00:44:52,064 --> 00:44:54,305 I don't know what bits to touch when. 918 00:44:54,442 --> 00:44:56,058 Listen, fuck him. 919 00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:58,267 If he doesn't realise how amazing you are, 920 00:44:58,404 --> 00:44:59,439 then he's an idiot. 921 00:45:00,740 --> 00:45:02,481 - He doesn't deserve you. - Yeah, right. 922 00:45:02,617 --> 00:45:03,823 I mean, look at me. 923 00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:06,067 I'm in a rented flat 924 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:10,284 wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants dressing gown, 925 00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:12,574 eating a mixture of animal fat and sugar 926 00:45:12,627 --> 00:45:14,914 made to look like a fried egg. 927 00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:16,953 I'm 32 years old. 928 00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:20,799 Yeah, and you've spent your whole life doing things 929 00:45:20,927 --> 00:45:24,511 which make everybody else look shallow, trivial and pointless. 930 00:45:25,181 --> 00:45:27,468 I think it's slightly more important to be able to limit 931 00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:29,348 the spread of an epidemic 932 00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:32,101 than know how to conduct yourself in a threesome. 933 00:45:33,773 --> 00:45:34,808 You do? 934 00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:38,020 I mean, for the purposes of this conversation, sure. 935 00:45:44,659 --> 00:45:48,368 Honestly, I just want someone to look after me for a change. 936 00:45:48,788 --> 00:45:49,949 Well, I'll look after you. 937 00:45:51,791 --> 00:45:52,826 You can't. 938 00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:56,121 You've already got someone to look after. 939 00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:08,175 (sighs) 940 00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:11,971 Listen, I'm completely all right. 941 00:46:13,187 --> 00:46:15,349 I promise not to end it all. 942 00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,644 I don't even own a razor. I wax. 943 00:46:19,652 --> 00:46:21,518 I think it's pretty hard to wax yourself to death. 944 00:46:21,654 --> 00:46:22,985 (chuckles) 945 00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,236 You can leave. I'm okay. 946 00:46:27,368 --> 00:46:29,075 No, it's all right. 947 00:46:29,996 --> 00:46:32,658 I'm putting off my Christmas shopping. 948 00:46:34,083 --> 00:46:36,495 I'm trying to figure out what to buy Nat. 949 00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:39,869 What does she like? 950 00:46:40,673 --> 00:46:41,754 I've no idea. 951 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:46,172 - I was thinking casserole dishes, maybe. - (groans) 952 00:46:47,430 --> 00:46:50,718 I simply cannot let you get your new wife 953 00:46:50,850 --> 00:46:52,511 - casserole dishes for Christmas. - Why? 954 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:53,721 (laughs) I mean... 955 00:46:54,854 --> 00:46:56,561 - Let me help you out. - A griddle pan. 956 00:46:56,689 --> 00:46:57,895 - No! - A set of knives. 957 00:46:57,940 --> 00:47:00,523 Enough. I'm gonna go and get changed. 958 00:47:02,069 --> 00:47:03,355 (sighs) 959 00:47:06,365 --> 00:47:07,605 Thanks, Josh. 960 00:47:08,242 --> 00:47:09,573 Ah, it's all right. 961 00:47:16,751 --> 00:47:18,583 Excuse me. Thank you. 962 00:47:22,340 --> 00:47:23,705 - Hey. - Hello. 963 00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,709 - You okay? - Mmm-hmm. Can I ask... 964 00:47:28,220 --> 00:47:29,551 why we're meeting in your hotel? 965 00:47:29,597 --> 00:47:31,508 You do know I'm not going up to your room, don't you? 966 00:47:32,058 --> 00:47:35,221 Oh! No, of course not. Purely business. 967 00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:37,268 No sexual tension whatsoever. 968 00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:40,893 No undercurrent of erotic electricity 969 00:47:40,941 --> 00:47:43,933 between two ludicrously attractive single people. 970 00:47:44,278 --> 00:47:46,690 None. Absolutely not. 971 00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,445 Good. 972 00:47:48,574 --> 00:47:50,440 It's your time you're paying for. 973 00:47:50,534 --> 00:47:53,071 So, we need to lock down a date for the website. 974 00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,953 It's just there are some tiny kittens up in my room 975 00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:58,574 playing adorably with a ball of wool. 976 00:47:58,959 --> 00:48:01,621 - If you're interested. - Cat faeces makes you go blind. 977 00:48:01,754 --> 00:48:04,792 - I'm not going to your room. - Okay. You win. 978 00:48:04,924 --> 00:48:09,384 We'll work and completely ignore the palpable sizzle of sensual possibility 979 00:48:09,470 --> 00:48:11,552 every time our bodies accidentally touch. 980 00:48:13,974 --> 00:48:16,306 I've booked a boardroom down the hall. 981 00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:18,259 Shall we? 982 00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,595 Yeah, basically, I'm looking for something for my wife. 983 00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:23,982 You know, pair of pants and a brassiere, perhaps. 984 00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:27,811 Something that's long-lasting and practical. 985 00:48:28,489 --> 00:48:30,480 Goodness, is that man-made fibre? 986 00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:33,233 Oris it, um, natural? 987 00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:36,160 Or is it a mixture of the two? Because that's often the way these days. 988 00:48:36,288 --> 00:48:38,495 Helps with, um, durability and so on. 989 00:48:38,624 --> 00:48:40,160 I mean, that's a lovely bit of kit. Look at that. 990 00:48:40,292 --> 00:48:41,953 That's a formidable gusset. You could not break that. 991 00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:44,835 - Were you looking for a panty? - Christ. Am I... 992 00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:46,454 (burbles) 993 00:48:46,507 --> 00:48:47,588 A panty. 994 00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:49,336 Uh... (mumbling) 995 00:48:49,593 --> 00:48:51,254 He has trouble with the word "panty", I think. 996 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:54,087 No, I don't. "Panty." I'm looking for a panty, mon chéri. 997 00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:56,969 A portion of your finest panties, milord. 998 00:48:57,977 --> 00:49:01,015 Right. Um, perhaps I should just ask you. 999 00:49:01,147 --> 00:49:02,353 After all, you are standing right here. 1000 00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:04,017 - (imitates buzzing) - (laughing) 1001 00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,517 Oh, God, no, no, no. I'm not his wife. 1002 00:49:06,819 --> 00:49:09,026 - No way. - I'm just helping out, 1003 00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:11,692 making sure he doesn't buy his actual wife vouchers. 1004 00:49:11,824 --> 00:49:12,939 Well, you can't actually go wrong with vouchers. 1005 00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:14,694 Christ, is that really the price? 1006 00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,286 I could buy half an 18-litre dehumidifier for that. 1007 00:49:19,373 --> 00:49:20,955 - Sir. - Yes. 1008 00:49:21,041 --> 00:49:22,952 We like to celebrate the erotic here. 1009 00:49:23,043 --> 00:49:25,501 Celebrate. "One-nil. Oy-oy! I scored a goal." 1010 00:49:25,546 --> 00:49:27,378 - You don't need to be ashamed. - I'm not ashamed of anything. 1011 00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:29,376 - Embrace it. - I'll embrace you. 1012 00:49:29,467 --> 00:49:30,548 I didn't mean that, I'm really sorry. 1013 00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:34,047 It's all right. Why don't you tell me... 1014 00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:36,675 - Yeah? - ...what turns you on? 1015 00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:41,392 Uh... What turns me on? 1016 00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:43,394 I don't... What, really? 1017 00:49:45,566 --> 00:49:47,807 [, uh, I like it... I like it when she... 1018 00:49:50,237 --> 00:49:54,322 dresses up like a policewoman, or estate agent. 1019 00:49:55,826 --> 00:50:00,992 We haven't met, and she forces me to do things to her 1020 00:50:01,916 --> 00:50:04,408 that I would never normally do. 1021 00:50:06,754 --> 00:50:08,665 - Right. - Yeah. 1022 00:50:09,757 --> 00:50:12,590 I was thinking more along the lines of lace. 1023 00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:13,757 Were you? 1024 00:50:13,886 --> 00:50:15,422 - Satin? - Satin. 1025 00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:17,170 Fishnets? 1026 00:50:17,264 --> 00:50:20,928 Fishnets, the fish of the sea. Fish of the sea. A trawlerman. 1027 00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:24,602 I once saw a trawlerman. 1028 00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:26,770 You must know the lucky lady. 1029 00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:29,023 Any thoughts? 1030 00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:31,100 You're as useless at all this sexy stuff as I am, aren't you? 1031 00:50:31,612 --> 00:50:34,775 You're happy with a thermal nightie, a Stieg Larsson and a nice milky tea. 1032 00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,443 (chuckles) 1033 00:50:37,618 --> 00:50:41,612 I'm just gonna go have a browse. Leave you to it. 1034 00:50:43,457 --> 00:50:45,118 Oh, this is nice. 1035 00:50:45,251 --> 00:50:47,458 They also have a wonderful restaurant. 1036 00:50:47,545 --> 00:50:50,458 I wouldn't think of staying anywhere else when I'm in London. 1037 00:50:50,923 --> 00:50:57,135 So, what is our strategy when it comes to online awareness? 1038 00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:01,139 So, the idea is to drive the consumer to the site through... 1039 00:51:01,934 --> 00:51:02,969 Oysters? 1040 00:51:04,770 --> 00:51:05,805 Oysters? 1041 00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:07,978 Seriously, Guy. 1042 00:51:08,649 --> 00:51:11,266 They must have run out of Highland shortbread. 1043 00:51:12,444 --> 00:51:15,653 To drive consumers to the site through a unified multiplatform... 1044 00:51:15,781 --> 00:51:17,146 (whirring) 1045 00:51:18,951 --> 00:51:21,818 A unified multiplatform approach, accessible with... 1046 00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:25,655 (playing soft music) 1047 00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,499 Yes, go on. Platforms, that was good. 1048 00:51:29,003 --> 00:51:33,839 Well, traditional media should not be ignored, either. 1049 00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,916 Doves? Really? 1050 00:51:37,678 --> 00:51:39,510 I think you're amazing, Nat. 1051 00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:42,300 I know it's unprofessional and cliché, but... 1052 00:51:42,349 --> 00:51:43,931 I'm married. 1053 00:51:44,643 --> 00:51:46,179 What? 1054 00:51:46,979 --> 00:51:49,016 I'm married. I have a husband. 1055 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:54,855 How can you? Why didn't you say something? 1056 00:51:54,987 --> 00:51:57,149 For all this time, you didn't think to tell me? 1057 00:51:57,197 --> 00:52:00,940 I didn't say anything because I thought we'd get the account if... 1058 00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:03,988 if I flirted with you. 1059 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:07,531 And then I liked flirting with you too much for any of this to stop. 1060 00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:10,533 Well, this wouldn't be happening if you were happy with your husband. 1061 00:52:11,337 --> 00:52:12,702 What am I supposed to say? 1062 00:52:13,339 --> 00:52:16,548 I can't leave him, he'd be destroyed. Look, I'm really sorry, 1063 00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:19,042 but that dove's getting awfully close to the ceiling fan. 1064 00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:21,552 Who is this guy? Do you have children? 1065 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:24,676 - How long have you been married? - Look, that's irrelevant. He's... 1066 00:52:24,725 --> 00:52:26,557 He's dependable and... 1067 00:52:27,019 --> 00:52:28,054 (screams) 1068 00:52:28,896 --> 00:52:30,227 ...and he's kind and safe, 1069 00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:32,806 and I can't throw that all away for you. 1070 00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:35,358 I mean, you're charming and twinkly. 1071 00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:39,820 Look, you're a Ferrari and he's a Volvo, and right now... 1072 00:52:42,493 --> 00:52:44,075 I just need to be behind the wheel of a Volvo. 1073 00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:46,243 I need... (wailing) 1074 00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:47,570 (thudding) 1075 00:52:48,874 --> 00:52:50,080 I need reliability 1076 00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:54,711 and to be able to get from Ato B safe and unhurt. 1077 00:52:55,005 --> 00:52:56,086 Oh! God! 1078 00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:57,913 Dove down, dove down! 1079 00:52:58,050 --> 00:53:00,667 It's okay, I think it's just stunned. Can you... 1080 00:53:00,761 --> 00:53:02,718 - Do you want me to stop now? - Yes. 1081 00:53:02,763 --> 00:53:04,845 Listen, Nat. I'm not giving up. 1082 00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:07,261 From the minute I met you I've thought of nothing else. 1083 00:53:07,351 --> 00:53:10,764 Do you think I care if our logo has a drop shadow or is italicised? No. 1084 00:53:11,105 --> 00:53:13,517 I'm looking for excuses to see you. 1085 00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:14,768 (violinist) Come on. 1086 00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:16,769 (Guy) And I'm not twinkly. 1087 00:53:17,403 --> 00:53:19,019 I don't twinkle with anyone else. 1088 00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:20,103 (gasps) 1089 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,271 You make me twinkly. 1090 00:53:24,785 --> 00:53:26,696 Ugh! God! 1091 00:53:26,787 --> 00:53:29,119 - That's supposed to be lucky. - (screams) 1092 00:53:29,790 --> 00:53:32,077 Look, as might be evident, I've never done this kind of thing before, 1093 00:53:32,126 --> 00:53:36,211 but I would regret it forever if I didn't try everything I could. 1094 00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:40,582 Married or not, I need to be with you, Nat. 1095 00:53:43,429 --> 00:53:45,215 Mind... Mind, um... Sorry. 1096 00:53:45,806 --> 00:53:48,764 I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry. 1097 00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:52,055 Sorry. 1098 00:53:58,944 --> 00:54:01,902 Perhaps in hindsight you shouldn't have gone with the doves. 1099 00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:03,483 Thanks. 1100 00:54:06,285 --> 00:54:08,117 - You like those, sir? - Uh, yeah. 1101 00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:11,662 Crotchless. Interesting, lovely, yeah. Do you get much of a call for those? 1102 00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:13,656 - (Chloe) Shit. - Everything all right in there? 1103 00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:16,250 Yeah, I just... I think this hook is caught. 1104 00:54:16,336 --> 00:54:18,168 Yeah, I got it. Uh, yeah, I have to admit 1105 00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:21,251 I'm not very good with buttons or zips or that sort of thing. 1106 00:54:21,341 --> 00:54:23,582 Usually I... Holy fucking shit. 1107 00:54:25,596 --> 00:54:26,836 I mean, who needs a dehumidifier, right? 1108 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:31,257 Sure, I get a bit of condensation on my bedroom window sometimes, but it's fine. 1109 00:54:31,685 --> 00:54:34,302 - Will you just close the... - Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry. 1110 00:54:34,855 --> 00:54:37,017 - Um... - Look, were they always like that? 1111 00:54:37,149 --> 00:54:39,641 'Cause, I mean, they're unbelievable. 1112 00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:44,358 I just thought that I would try something unpractical. 1113 00:54:46,033 --> 00:54:50,152 Do you think that Nat would like something like this, or... 1114 00:54:50,204 --> 00:54:51,786 Nat? 1115 00:54:51,872 --> 00:54:55,365 Oh, of course. Yeah, she'd look really nice. 1116 00:54:57,044 --> 00:54:58,830 She'd look good. 1117 00:54:58,879 --> 00:55:00,210 Um... 1118 00:55:00,547 --> 00:55:02,129 Yeah, but I think maybe the... 1119 00:55:02,216 --> 00:55:03,627 - l don't know if it's... - What is it? 1120 00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:05,879 I don't know if it's caught on the tag. 1121 00:55:06,887 --> 00:55:08,048 I don't know what I did. 1122 00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:10,175 Your hair's in the way, I'm just gonna... 1123 00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:21,224 You know those, um, 1124 00:55:21,735 --> 00:55:24,898 strips that they put in pants... 1125 00:55:25,906 --> 00:55:27,897 if you want to try them on? 1126 00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:32,910 Do you think that's to prevent against gonorrhoea or chlamydia? 1127 00:55:34,581 --> 00:55:37,369 That's the one these days, Chlamydia. That's... 1128 00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:39,909 (stammering) Or so I've... so I've read. 1129 00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:58,765 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. 1130 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:02,190 No. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 1131 00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:04,859 (Claudia) Excuse me, sir, will you be paying for that? 1132 00:56:06,947 --> 00:56:08,608 Christ, I expect so. 1133 00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:10,113 I'm sorry. 1134 00:56:10,242 --> 00:56:12,609 I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you 1135 00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:15,991 - and I don't want to let you slip away. - It's very complicated. 1136 00:56:16,123 --> 00:56:18,285 - Chloe, that was really bad. - l know. 1137 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:21,208 I mean, not the kiss or the visuals, that was lovely, 1138 00:56:21,461 --> 00:56:23,577 - but I'm married. - l know. 1139 00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:25,959 Oh, great, it's goddamn Beyoncé. 1140 00:56:26,216 --> 00:56:28,708 What?! Fuck! 1141 00:56:28,802 --> 00:56:31,134 - Beyoncé is my husband! - What? 1142 00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:32,882 Beyoncé is my husband! 1143 00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:34,634 - Beyoncé is Josh. - Him? 1144 00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:36,131 Yes. 1145 00:56:36,768 --> 00:56:38,054 Nat! 1146 00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:40,970 - Hello, darling! - How weird! 1147 00:56:41,148 --> 00:56:43,139 - What a treat. - How are you? 1148 00:56:43,817 --> 00:56:45,558 - Hi, Chloe. - Hi. 1149 00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:48,277 - Guy, right? - Yeah. Josh? 1150 00:56:48,322 --> 00:56:49,653 Yeah, that's right. Nice to see you. 1151 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,990 Guy, this is Chloe. She's a wonderful, uh... 1152 00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:54,321 charity worker. 1153 00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:55,822 - Hi. - Hi. 1154 00:56:55,996 --> 00:56:57,782 Yeah, we were just doing some Christmas shopping. 1155 00:56:57,831 --> 00:56:59,162 We were just having a meeting around the corner. 1156 00:56:59,291 --> 00:57:00,622 - Oh, were you? - Yeah. 1157 00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:02,999 - Nice. - Yeah. 1158 00:57:05,005 --> 00:57:07,417 - Did you have fun last night? - Oh, it was awesome, awesome. 1159 00:57:07,507 --> 00:57:10,670 Did you manage to get lucky with the ladies? 1160 00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:14,671 No. Actually, the girl I had my eye on blew me off. 1161 00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,089 I ended up alone in the hotel with a mini sleeve of Pringles 1162 00:57:17,184 --> 00:57:19,141 watching Malaysian golf on Eurosport. 1163 00:57:19,186 --> 00:57:21,598 - (laughing loudly) - That's hilarious. 1164 00:57:26,610 --> 00:57:28,692 I find that incredibly difficult to believe. 1165 00:57:28,862 --> 00:57:29,977 Well, it's true, it's true. 1166 00:57:30,113 --> 00:57:31,603 What, a man as good-looking as you? 1167 00:57:31,698 --> 00:57:36,488 Fabulous face, amazing hair, wonderful teeth. 1168 00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:38,527 - A real hunk of spunk. - Thank you. 1169 00:57:38,622 --> 00:57:41,990 Amazing skin, that's what... Hasn't he got incredible skin? 1170 00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:44,833 - You do. - Thank you. 1171 00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:46,539 It's inspirational. 1172 00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:49,671 Chloe's single. Aren't you? 1173 00:57:50,717 --> 00:57:52,299 And she's American. 1174 00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:54,548 And you're... you could... (American accent) ...ride the subway 1175 00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:57,217 and have a malt at the Five and Dime. 1176 00:57:57,349 --> 00:57:58,464 If that takes your fancy. 1177 00:57:59,685 --> 00:58:01,392 If you want to. 1178 00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:03,557 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah. 1179 00:58:03,689 --> 00:58:05,396 Poor Chloe could probably think of nothing worse, 1180 00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:07,723 but maybe if we all went out together sometime, 1181 00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:10,396 - that could be cool. - Ooh! 1182 00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:13,229 You could set that up, couldn't you, Nat? Is that all right? 1183 00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:17,567 Yes, yes, absolutely. I will organise it. I'll organise it. 1184 00:58:17,661 --> 00:58:18,742 Awesome. 1185 00:58:18,829 --> 00:58:19,990 - Great. - Okay. 1186 00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,741 - Dinner after Christmas. - Dinner. 1187 00:58:21,873 --> 00:58:23,910 Yeah, sarsaparilla and hot dogs all round. 1188 00:58:24,251 --> 00:58:26,413 - Very nice to meet you. - You, too. You, too. 1189 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:33,924 Things really hit a low point around Christmas. 1190 00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:37,094 His family's so weird. 1191 00:58:38,432 --> 00:58:40,594 - That's not nice. - They are. Come on. 1192 00:58:41,018 --> 00:58:44,932 I caught your mother googling, "Can cat urine be used as fertiliser?" 1193 00:58:45,022 --> 00:58:47,605 She's got lots of cat urine. She might as well use it. 1194 00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:50,395 Why the fuck has she got lots of cat urine? 1195 00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:53,360 Hey! Merry Christmas! 1196 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:55,687 (Josh) At least my family are friendly. 1197 00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:58,274 - Nat! - (Josh) Hi, Mum. You all right? 1198 00:58:58,869 --> 00:59:01,531 You didn't exactly endear yourself with the charades debacle. 1199 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,121 (Hugh) Here we go. 1200 00:59:06,710 --> 00:59:08,417 - Play. - Television. 1201 00:59:10,130 --> 00:59:12,371 Four words. First word. 1202 00:59:13,091 --> 00:59:15,128 (Naomi) Unconscious. (Nat) Dead. 1203 00:59:15,218 --> 00:59:18,301 - Tapping. Computer. - Hanging. Vera Duck. 1204 00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:19,795 (Diana) Letters. (Naomi) Braille. 1205 00:59:19,931 --> 00:59:21,763 - Red. - Impotent! Thick! 1206 00:59:21,808 --> 00:59:23,094 (Naomi) Stupid. (Hugh) Man. 1207 00:59:23,143 --> 00:59:24,224 (Naomi) Effeminate. (Grandma) Husband? 1208 00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:25,801 (Naomi) Annoying idiot. (Grandma) Father? 1209 00:59:25,937 --> 00:59:28,144 Disappointment. Shame. Regret. 1210 00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:29,312 - Profession. - Lazy. 1211 00:59:29,441 --> 00:59:31,432 Doctor. "Doctor," thank you. 1212 00:59:31,485 --> 00:59:34,147 "Doctor" is not the first thing you think of when you look at him. 1213 00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:36,236 - Four words. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde! - Doctor Zhivago. 1214 00:59:36,323 --> 00:59:38,439 (Nat) Quick, quick, quick, you've got a minute! 1215 00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:39,778 Go, go, go! 1216 00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:42,568 - (Hugh) Second word. - Sounds like...sister. 1217 00:59:43,163 --> 00:59:44,824 - Nat. - Fit. Sexy. 1218 00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:47,122 - Young girl? - Wife. Uh, woman. 1219 00:59:47,459 --> 00:59:49,996 Nat, bat, sat, rat, cat, hat. 1220 00:59:50,087 --> 00:59:51,998 Wife. Beautiful. Uh... The splits! 1221 00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:53,791 - Cellist! - Cello! 1222 00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,502 - (Nat) Hilary and Jackie. - Family. Family. 1223 00:59:57,177 --> 00:59:58,508 - What are you... - Barren. 1224 00:59:58,637 --> 01:00:01,629 Baron Mtinchausen! Sorry, no. Um... 1225 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,261 Um... 1226 01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:07,931 (stammering) Vagina. 1227 01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:12,185 Pussy. Minge. Twat. Foo-foo. 1228 01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:14,979 Clunge. Uh, growler. 1229 01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:16,109 Quim. 1230 01:00:16,196 --> 01:00:18,358 (Hugh) Quim! Quim! Quim! Quim! Quim! 1231 01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:20,030 Dr Quim and his Casebooks! 1232 01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:22,532 - Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. - That's it. 1233 01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:25,615 - Get away from me. - What? 1234 01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:28,367 - (Diana) You all right, Mother? - (whimpering) 1235 01:00:28,500 --> 01:00:29,786 What else rhymes with "Quinn"? 1236 01:00:30,460 --> 01:00:31,666 Sounds like "chin"? 1237 01:00:32,546 --> 01:00:34,128 Sounds like "bin". 1238 01:00:34,214 --> 01:00:35,796 Yeah, all right, bloody Lionel Blair. 1239 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,710 Look, I was tired. 1240 01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:40,175 I'd hardly slept, I wasn't thinking straight 1241 01:00:40,220 --> 01:00:42,882 because your evil stepdad had put me in that bedroom. 1242 01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:45,221 - (music box jingling) - Just to punish me. 1243 01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:48,054 (Nat) I would argue that you got a better night's sleep 1244 01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:50,518 - than I did at your parents' house. - (thudding on ceiling) 1245 01:00:50,564 --> 01:00:51,554 - (moaning) Oh, Brian! - Elaine! 1246 01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:53,681 (Elaine) Oh, Brian, you know just what I like! 1247 01:00:53,733 --> 01:00:55,895 (Brian) Tits or face? Tits or face? (Elaine) Tits. 1248 01:00:56,027 --> 01:00:57,392 (Brian groaning) 1249 01:00:57,529 --> 01:00:58,564 (Brian) Wrong answer! 1250 01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:01,647 (Elaine) Oh, Brian! Oh, my God. (Brian) Sorry, darling. 1251 01:01:02,075 --> 01:01:03,406 Yeah, well, your parents made it perfectly clear 1252 01:01:03,535 --> 01:01:04,525 what they thought of me. 1253 01:01:05,328 --> 01:01:07,535 - What have you got? - Fantastic! 1254 01:01:07,581 --> 01:01:10,243 - Digital photo frame. - Wonderful! 1255 01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:12,412 You just put a memory stick in and it makes a slide show. 1256 01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:14,417 We've got our camera on us, we'll have to try it out later. 1257 01:01:14,462 --> 01:01:16,453 That is fabulous. "ReKapture." 1258 01:01:16,590 --> 01:01:18,376 My go? Thank you. Who's this from? 1259 01:01:18,425 --> 01:01:19,711 Mum and Dad! 1260 01:01:20,260 --> 01:01:21,750 Cracking. 1261 01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:26,884 How to be a Successful Writer. 1262 01:01:28,143 --> 01:01:29,804 And, um, Stop Wasting Your Life. 1263 01:01:30,478 --> 01:01:31,468 (chuckles) 1264 01:01:31,771 --> 01:01:33,432 - Good idea. - Unbelievable. 1265 01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:35,563 - My family hate him... - (whispering) They hate me. 1266 01:01:35,775 --> 01:01:37,436 ...his family get under my skin, 1267 01:01:37,569 --> 01:01:40,277 and, at a time when we should have felt happy and close, 1268 01:01:40,822 --> 01:01:42,153 I couldn't have felt more distant. 1269 01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:47,151 Explain again what your book's about. 1270 01:01:47,245 --> 01:01:51,284 Well, my hero is a young history professor called Ezra 1271 01:01:51,416 --> 01:01:54,374 who, with the help of a young American aid worker, 1272 01:01:54,461 --> 01:01:58,455 discovers this man in Borneo who claims to be Muhammad. 1273 01:01:58,548 --> 01:01:59,629 (Nat yawns) 1274 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:03,630 So it's a meditation, really, on the veracity and origins of faith. 1275 01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,927 If he ever gets round to finishing it. 1276 01:02:06,056 --> 01:02:07,763 (Josh) Qi! 1277 01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:10,132 Another drink, Josh? 1278 01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:11,554 Oh, that'd be lovely, thank you. 1279 01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:25,613 Oh, that's gorgeous. 1280 01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:28,992 - lce? - Uh, yes, please. 1281 01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:30,903 Mmm. 1282 01:02:30,997 --> 01:02:32,988 - (chuckles) That's sweet. - (laughs) 1283 01:02:35,293 --> 01:02:36,954 Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help? 1284 01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:38,585 - No, thank you, I'm fine. - (screaming) I have to help! 1285 01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:40,003 Oh! 1286 01:02:40,799 --> 01:02:41,914 Mince pie, Alec? 1287 01:02:43,134 --> 01:02:44,670 - No, thank you. - Are you sure? 1288 01:02:44,803 --> 01:02:46,089 Why are you standing like that? 1289 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,465 Just offering Alec a mince pie. 1290 01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:48,754 He doesn't want a mince pie. 1291 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,464 - You don't... You don't? - No. 1292 01:02:52,018 --> 01:02:53,429 (Nat) Just stand up. 1293 01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:57,683 That's that market we went to in Taroudant. 1294 01:02:57,816 --> 01:02:59,602 - Let me see, darling. - Yes. 1295 01:02:59,693 --> 01:03:01,980 Um, it was gorgeous, they had the most incredible figs. 1296 01:03:02,028 --> 01:03:04,019 (Josh) I'm sure nobody wants to hear about the figs. 1297 01:03:04,114 --> 01:03:05,821 Because it wasn't very... Look at the cat! 1298 01:03:05,865 --> 01:03:07,276 Fucking little cocksucker. 1299 01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:09,195 (Nat) Give this back to me. 1300 01:03:10,036 --> 01:03:11,322 Give it! 1301 01:03:12,622 --> 01:03:14,033 Just sit down. 1302 01:03:15,834 --> 01:03:17,040 Goodness me. 1303 01:03:17,168 --> 01:03:19,330 - Is it still working? - Yes. 1304 01:03:19,379 --> 01:03:23,998 This is the town square. They had snake charmers and performing monkeys. 1305 01:03:24,134 --> 01:03:25,841 Oh! That looks so magical. 1306 01:03:26,845 --> 01:03:28,335 (Nat) Me with a monkey. 1307 01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:30,220 Darling, you look so sweet. 1308 01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:33,886 Oh! Me trying on those slippers. They were very pretty. 1309 01:03:33,977 --> 01:03:35,388 (Diana) They look it. 1310 01:03:36,229 --> 01:03:37,310 Us having cocktails. 1311 01:03:37,397 --> 01:03:39,479 There was a beautiful bar at the top of the hotel. 1312 01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:41,056 We'd go there every evening. 1313 01:03:41,484 --> 01:03:43,521 Us having more cocktails. 1314 01:03:53,872 --> 01:03:56,580 (clock ticking softly) 1315 01:04:02,922 --> 01:04:04,333 (ice cubes tinkling) 1316 01:04:08,928 --> 01:04:10,418 It was a junior suite. 1317 01:04:10,555 --> 01:04:12,922 Uh... Not terribly expensive. 1318 01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:17,226 Lovely view of the orchards. In fact, you can... If you just... 1319 01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:20,395 You can just see in the background there, the... Phwoar. 1320 01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,232 That's doggy style. 1321 01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:27,231 Nat's favourite. Isn't it, Nat? 1322 01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:33,241 (whistling cheerfully) 1323 01:04:36,664 --> 01:04:38,450 (Naomi) Why don't I drive? 1324 01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:40,331 You drive like you've got a vagina. 1325 01:04:40,418 --> 01:04:43,285 You could do. Or I could glue myself to a deckchair 1326 01:04:43,380 --> 01:04:44,836 and you could kick me down a stairwell. 1327 01:04:44,923 --> 01:04:47,665 Both about as enjoyable. Both about as likely to happen. 1328 01:04:48,259 --> 01:04:50,466 Why do you do it? 1329 01:04:50,553 --> 01:04:53,011 Why are you still together? You hate each other. 1330 01:04:53,098 --> 01:04:55,840 Of course we do, but that's marriage. 1331 01:04:56,851 --> 01:04:58,842 I mean, you embrace the hatred. 1332 01:04:59,938 --> 01:05:01,804 And I married a man who wears driving gloves. 1333 01:05:01,898 --> 01:05:03,184 Actually helps you get purchase. 1334 01:05:03,274 --> 01:05:05,356 Don't say "purchase". 1335 01:05:05,610 --> 01:05:09,228 But how do you know that the hate won't outweigh the love? 1336 01:05:09,322 --> 01:05:11,814 How do you know there's not someone better out there for you? 1337 01:05:11,908 --> 01:05:14,400 Well, Christ, there is. Of course there is. 1338 01:05:15,328 --> 01:05:17,285 But marriage is about living with the imperfections, isn't it? 1339 01:05:17,372 --> 01:05:19,409 I mean, look at that stupid ginger face. 1340 01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:22,369 It's true. I'd miss her. 1341 01:05:22,460 --> 01:05:24,246 Look at those beautiful eyes, big warm heart. 1342 01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:26,374 You know, she hasn't aged a day since I met her. 1343 01:05:26,464 --> 01:05:30,423 And as you get to know each other more, well, you love each other more. 1344 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,467 No, don't you try and kiss me. 1345 01:05:37,267 --> 01:05:39,008 - Did you forget something? - Yeah. 1346 01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:42,560 - We're gonna hit traffic, you know. - Yeah, you will. 1347 01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:47,357 (Josh) Tonight should be interesting. 1348 01:05:47,444 --> 01:05:49,606 They could be really right for each other. 1349 01:05:49,696 --> 01:05:52,563 Because Chloe's so sweet, and Guy seems all right. 1350 01:05:52,657 --> 01:05:55,024 What do you think? What about that? 1351 01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:56,491 No? 1352 01:05:56,870 --> 01:05:58,110 Yeah. 1353 01:05:58,204 --> 01:06:01,913 Chloe's lovely. I don't know how you let her slip away. 1354 01:06:02,250 --> 01:06:03,991 What, Chloe? No! 1355 01:06:05,003 --> 01:06:07,415 She's too nice. She's too perfect. 1356 01:06:07,505 --> 01:06:09,621 A little of Chloe goes a long way. 1357 01:06:09,716 --> 01:06:11,423 Yeah, I mean, she can be kind of grating. 1358 01:06:11,509 --> 01:06:14,376 Totally. This one? Rugby? 1359 01:06:15,555 --> 01:06:16,636 No? 1360 01:06:17,223 --> 01:06:20,466 But Guy, I mean, he's quite a catch. He's just your type, really. 1361 01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:24,053 (scoffs) No, he's too slick for his own good. 1362 01:06:24,606 --> 01:06:25,971 Bit too American. 1363 01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:28,690 You're my type. I don't really go for good-looking. 1364 01:06:29,319 --> 01:06:30,650 Oh. 1365 01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:38,659 Hi. Great to see you. You're looking very sexy. 1366 01:06:38,745 --> 01:06:39,985 And, Nat, you look good, too. 1367 01:06:40,079 --> 01:06:42,320 (laughing) 1368 01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:45,832 Uh, you two pop yourselves down. 1369 01:06:45,919 --> 01:06:47,205 I'm gonna nip off to the little boys' room. 1370 01:06:47,295 --> 01:06:49,787 See if I can find myself some little boys. 1371 01:06:49,881 --> 01:06:52,122 Obviously not. Just gonna go for a quick wee. 1372 01:06:52,217 --> 01:06:53,252 Not the other. 1373 01:06:55,595 --> 01:06:57,381 Sorry about that. 1374 01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:06,352 So, is tonight not a bit weird? 1375 01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:08,680 Do you promise not to get insanely jealous? 1376 01:07:08,775 --> 01:07:10,357 (laughs) 1377 01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:11,774 Honestly. 1378 01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:15,980 Chloe is fantastic. You'll love her. 1379 01:07:16,658 --> 01:07:21,152 She's the best. The best! She's so kind. Wonderfully kind. 1380 01:07:21,246 --> 01:07:23,578 - Mmm. Mmm. - And pretty. She's very pretty. 1381 01:07:23,665 --> 01:07:26,623 Definitely, she's so pretty. Hundred percent. 1382 01:07:31,923 --> 01:07:33,413 Hey, Chloe, you're here. 1383 01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:36,500 Yeah. Look, if this is weird, I can go. 1384 01:07:36,636 --> 01:07:39,845 It's just that, you know, you set it up and you didn't seem to mind. 1385 01:07:39,931 --> 01:07:41,638 No, I don't mind, it's not weird. Why would I find it weird? 1386 01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:44,762 Listen, the bloke's a bit of a twat, but you might like him. 1387 01:07:45,311 --> 01:07:47,427 Oh, yeah! I love a twat. 1388 01:07:47,522 --> 01:07:49,559 Single girl, looking for a guy. 1389 01:07:49,649 --> 01:07:51,936 No non-twats considered. 1390 01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:53,266 Oh, shit. Okay, they've seen us. 1391 01:07:54,612 --> 01:07:56,444 Let's go do this. 1392 01:07:56,531 --> 01:08:00,695 Okay, final game. It's Brits one, Yanks one. 1393 01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:03,618 We owe this to our great nation to win this, Chloe. 1394 01:08:03,705 --> 01:08:04,945 - Let's do it. - Yes, sir! 1395 01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:07,451 Just look at us. We're all getting on like a house on fire. 1396 01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:09,283 I've never really understood that phrase. 1397 01:08:09,377 --> 01:08:10,412 - (laughs) - Exactly why is it good 1398 01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:13,370 to get on like a house on fire? I mean, there might be small kids left inside. 1399 01:08:13,464 --> 01:08:14,545 - Think of them. - (Chloe) I know! 1400 01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:17,124 And the possibility of asphyxiation... 1401 01:08:17,218 --> 01:08:19,255 (Josh) Or at the very least, the loss of any no-claims bonus. 1402 01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:20,506 (laughs) 1403 01:08:20,638 --> 01:08:21,969 It's just a metaphor. 1404 01:08:22,056 --> 01:08:24,514 It means something that's uncontrollable, has momentum. 1405 01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:26,599 Exactly. So, tell me this. 1406 01:08:26,686 --> 01:08:29,018 What would be the first thing you'd save in a fire? Let me guess. 1407 01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,263 - Jimmy Choos. - Your wedding ring. 1408 01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:32,347 (laughs) 1409 01:08:33,067 --> 01:08:34,933 Well, obviously my wedding ring. 1410 01:08:35,028 --> 01:08:37,440 But I've got two hands, haven't I? 1411 01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,020 She does love that ring. 1412 01:08:39,616 --> 01:08:42,199 The first thing I noticed about you. Wasn't it? 1413 01:08:56,841 --> 01:08:58,752 (sighs) 1414 01:09:00,011 --> 01:09:01,046 Sorry, Nat. Excuse me. 1415 01:09:07,644 --> 01:09:08,679 Fuck off. 1416 01:09:09,937 --> 01:09:11,268 Yeah, that's too bad. 1417 01:09:11,731 --> 01:09:13,847 I'd probably rescue that necklace that I got you 1418 01:09:13,941 --> 01:09:15,727 when we got engaged in Venice. 1419 01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,934 That's sweet. It's beautiful. 1420 01:09:19,947 --> 01:09:21,483 How about you, Chloe? 1421 01:09:21,616 --> 01:09:24,278 I'm guessing something sentimental, emotional? 1422 01:09:25,119 --> 01:09:26,154 Um... 1423 01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:28,031 - It's your shot, Guy. - Sorry? 1424 01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:30,864 - It's your shot, mate. - Sorry. 1425 01:09:30,958 --> 01:09:33,199 You wouldn't really head for the shoes, though, would you, Chloe? 1426 01:09:33,294 --> 01:09:34,955 Fashion's not really your thing. 1427 01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:37,291 (Guy) Why would it be? I mean, look at her. 1428 01:09:37,423 --> 01:09:38,629 She'd make anything look fantastic. 1429 01:09:38,716 --> 01:09:39,797 (scoffs) 1430 01:09:40,134 --> 01:09:42,796 - She'd make a sack look incredible. - (Chloe giggling) Thanks. 1431 01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:44,002 Good shot. 1432 01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:47,260 Yeah, it's like, what's the opposite of, "You cannot polish a turd"? 1433 01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:49,265 She's an already polished turd. 1434 01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:52,143 She's a turd buffed to a high sheen. 1435 01:09:53,064 --> 01:09:54,304 Thanks. 1436 01:09:54,857 --> 01:09:55,892 (Josh) Unlucky, pal. 1437 01:09:55,983 --> 01:09:57,394 Yeah, honestly, if the stuff burnt up, 1438 01:09:57,485 --> 01:10:00,318 I think I'd just view it as a chance to start over, 1439 01:10:00,405 --> 01:10:04,774 you know, have a new adventure. I'm not too bothered by material possessions. 1440 01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:07,325 All right, come down on it a bit. 1441 01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:09,156 Come on. 1442 01:10:09,247 --> 01:10:10,954 And use your arm to go back and forth with it 1443 01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,280 so you really get a nice pumping action. 1444 01:10:12,917 --> 01:10:14,032 Then go through the ball, 1445 01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:16,084 and you want to hit it on the edge there. 1446 01:10:16,170 --> 01:10:17,911 Ah, ah, ah! If you put the cue 1447 01:10:18,172 --> 01:10:19,708 between your thumb and your first finger, 1448 01:10:19,799 --> 01:10:21,915 you'll find it easier to get... That's it. 1449 01:10:21,968 --> 01:10:24,926 Now get this moving before you take the shot. 1450 01:10:25,012 --> 01:10:26,002 Come down a bit lower on it. 1451 01:10:26,764 --> 01:10:28,801 Don't take the... Come on, not that low. 1452 01:10:29,642 --> 01:10:32,930 That's it. Now play through the ball, and breathe. 1453 01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:36,308 There's no point, is there? 1454 01:10:36,399 --> 01:10:38,982 If we're not gonna do it properly, it's like, what's the point? 1455 01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,433 - There's no point in playing, is there? - Nice try. 1456 01:10:40,528 --> 01:10:42,314 (Chloe) Oh, I think it's my shot. 1457 01:10:42,405 --> 01:10:43,770 I think Chloe's right. 1458 01:10:43,865 --> 01:10:48,109 I mean, nice things is great, but ultimately, so what? 1459 01:10:48,202 --> 01:10:50,193 As long as the people you love are safe. 1460 01:10:51,122 --> 01:10:52,362 That's it. You got that? 1461 01:10:53,499 --> 01:10:54,705 - (Guy laughs) - (Josh) Good shot, Chloe. 1462 01:10:54,792 --> 01:10:56,203 - (laughs) - Did you see that? 1463 01:10:56,294 --> 01:10:58,080 That was... Wow! 1464 01:10:58,171 --> 01:11:00,412 (Chloe) I can't believe it. Oh! 1465 01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:03,628 - It'll never happen again. - Oh, it will. Be positive. 1466 01:11:03,718 --> 01:11:06,301 (Chloe) No. Once in a lifetime. 1467 01:11:07,138 --> 01:11:09,630 It's so sweet, what you said about that necklace. 1468 01:11:09,724 --> 01:11:10,714 (Josh) Yeah. 1469 01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:13,641 - I1 should wear it more often. - Okay. What do you think? 1470 01:11:13,728 --> 01:11:16,891 - I think you're good on your own. - Oh, you touched the cue ball. 1471 01:11:16,981 --> 01:11:18,346 - Oh. - So... 1472 01:11:18,441 --> 01:11:20,023 - Really? - I mean, if you want to play proper... 1473 01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:21,975 No, it's fine if you want to... 1474 01:11:22,069 --> 01:11:23,525 - Okay. - Sorry. 1475 01:11:23,613 --> 01:11:25,024 - Happens all the time, don't worry. - I'm sorry. 1476 01:11:25,114 --> 01:11:26,275 It's two shots if... 1477 01:11:26,365 --> 01:11:28,857 - No, no, it's cool. You... - All right. No, no. No, go ahead. 1478 01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:30,316 - I don't want to be a dick about it... - No! 1479 01:11:30,411 --> 01:11:31,401 - Too late. - Are you sure? 1480 01:11:31,496 --> 01:11:32,577 - Take your two shots. - Fine. 1481 01:11:32,789 --> 01:11:34,780 - Well, that was fun. - Yeah. 1482 01:11:34,874 --> 01:11:36,490 We should do it again. What do you say, Josh? 1483 01:11:36,584 --> 01:11:38,120 Give you Brits a chance for revenge? 1484 01:11:38,252 --> 01:11:40,869 Oh, yeah, 'cause... When my elbow's a bit better, 1485 01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:42,579 I'll be able to give you a much better game. Probably win. 1486 01:11:42,673 --> 01:11:44,334 Yeah, that sounds fun. 1487 01:11:44,425 --> 01:11:45,506 Can I walk you to your car? 1488 01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:48,218 Oh, you know, I'm just gonna catch a cab, 1489 01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:50,136 but you can wait with me if you like. 1490 01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:51,930 - Be my pleasure. - Okay. 1491 01:11:52,016 --> 01:11:54,974 Actually, Guy, do you mind if 1 quickly grab you for two minutes? 1492 01:11:55,061 --> 01:11:57,177 Just to talk packaging before the meeting. 1493 01:11:57,522 --> 01:11:58,637 Is that okay? 1494 01:11:59,482 --> 01:12:01,473 - Sure. - Thanks. Sorry. 1495 01:12:02,235 --> 01:12:04,317 Well, I could help you get a cab, if you want. 1496 01:12:04,654 --> 01:12:05,769 And [I'll wait with you. 1497 01:12:07,615 --> 01:12:09,322 Okay, yeah. 1498 01:12:10,868 --> 01:12:12,734 - I had a blast, partner. - Ohl 1499 01:12:12,829 --> 01:12:14,991 We are what make our nation great. 1500 01:12:15,456 --> 01:12:18,073 I'd like to check out that Kandinsky thing you were talking about. 1501 01:12:18,167 --> 01:12:20,078 That sounds very interesting. 1502 01:12:20,628 --> 01:12:22,164 Thank you. 1503 01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,665 Aw, that's nice. All right? 1504 01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:28,375 Okay, I'll see you back at the flat. 1505 01:12:28,469 --> 01:12:30,585 All right. All the best. 1506 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,468 I presume we need to make a decision 1507 01:12:34,559 --> 01:12:37,642 on the LinkWorth tender for the branding. 1508 01:12:38,396 --> 01:12:39,431 What are your thoughts? 1509 01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:44,523 (door buzzing) 1510 01:12:45,278 --> 01:12:47,815 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought you said that this... 1511 01:12:49,991 --> 01:12:53,529 (woman shouting in Cantonese through speaker) 1512 01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:03,330 Oh, Christ, even your underwear's amazing. 1513 01:13:03,713 --> 01:13:05,704 (door buzzing) 1514 01:13:08,217 --> 01:13:10,379 - (woman speaking Cantonese) - It's a little fiddly. 1515 01:13:11,387 --> 01:13:13,128 Just rip it off. Just rip it! 1516 01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:14,883 - (fabric ripping) - There it is! 1517 01:13:16,350 --> 01:13:20,389 That Guy's so dull. He's so bland. 1518 01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:22,470 You don't like him, do you? 1519 01:13:22,815 --> 01:13:24,101 Taxi! 1520 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:26,565 No? 1521 01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:32,147 What's going on, Josh? What are we even doing? 1522 01:13:33,576 --> 01:13:35,658 What do you mean? Taxi! 1523 01:13:36,704 --> 01:13:38,615 Your light's on! Put your light... 1524 01:13:38,915 --> 01:13:40,280 His light was on. Why would... 1525 01:13:42,043 --> 01:13:44,375 You realise I love you, don't you? 1526 01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:47,328 I'm in love with a man who just got married 1527 01:13:47,423 --> 01:13:49,710 and we're both pretending that it's fine. 1528 01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,462 Tonight was so fucked-up! 1529 01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:52,917 Taxi! 1530 01:13:56,349 --> 01:13:58,886 (Josh) No, no. Uh, excuse me, excuse me. No. 1531 01:13:58,976 --> 01:14:00,762 No, no, no, you don't do that. 1532 01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:02,844 That's not how decent people behave, is it? 1533 01:14:02,939 --> 01:14:05,226 How is society supposed to function 1534 01:14:05,316 --> 01:14:08,604 with people like you dragging us into a cesspit? 1535 01:14:08,986 --> 01:14:10,351 Mmm? We're not animals! 1536 01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:13,943 - Sorry, we just didn't see you. - Didn't realise it was your taxi. 1537 01:14:14,033 --> 01:14:16,195 - Please, take it. - Take it, you can have it. 1538 01:14:16,285 --> 01:14:18,276 So sorry. I'm sorry. 1539 01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:20,366 What am I supposed to do? 1540 01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:23,039 I can't just walk out of a marriage after nine months. 1541 01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:24,331 Why not? 1542 01:14:24,418 --> 01:14:27,331 Pride? Afraid of what people will say? 1543 01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:31,790 Figure out what you actually want to fight for, Josh. 1544 01:14:32,218 --> 01:14:33,458 When I went to Africa, 1545 01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:36,010 I convinced myself that we were too young 1546 01:14:36,097 --> 01:14:37,679 and somebody better would come along, 1547 01:14:37,765 --> 01:14:39,756 but they never did and they still haven't. 1548 01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:43,889 And now, every time I see you, I think, 1549 01:14:43,980 --> 01:14:45,516 why didn't you stop me? 1550 01:14:46,607 --> 01:14:48,769 Why didn't you fight? 1551 01:14:50,027 --> 01:14:51,392 (sighs) 1552 01:14:52,446 --> 01:14:54,278 This has to stop. 1553 01:14:55,116 --> 01:14:57,198 I can't see you any more. 1554 01:14:58,244 --> 01:14:59,985 You're married. 1555 01:15:00,579 --> 01:15:04,117 I can't see you any more. 1556 01:15:17,888 --> 01:15:19,970 - Dinner and a show, was it? - As it happens. 1557 01:15:20,057 --> 01:15:21,923 Yeah? Nice. 1558 01:15:22,018 --> 01:15:23,474 Sorry. 1559 01:15:41,412 --> 01:15:42,823 We need to talk. 1560 01:15:43,330 --> 01:15:45,367 We do, yeah. 1561 01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,616 I don't know what's happening here, 1562 01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:50,994 but it's been nine months 1563 01:15:52,173 --> 01:15:53,379 and neither of us is happy 1564 01:15:54,925 --> 01:15:56,507 and I don't know how to change things. 1565 01:15:56,844 --> 01:15:59,802 I just never imagined that marriage would be this difficult, you know? 1566 01:16:01,766 --> 01:16:04,007 I don't want to be Hugh and Naomi. 1567 01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:06,593 I don't want to constantly row over whether the bin's full or not. 1568 01:16:06,687 --> 01:16:09,099 I don't see what's wrong with compacting the rubbish to make more space... 1569 01:16:09,190 --> 01:16:11,932 - I'm not rowing about the bin again. - Neither am I. 1570 01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:19,940 Look, if you want to walk away, I understand. 1571 01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:22,233 Well, is that what you want? 1572 01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:24,114 That's not what I'm saying. 1573 01:16:24,205 --> 01:16:25,866 Because it sounds like you don't want to make it work. 1574 01:16:27,833 --> 01:16:29,073 Stop putting words into my mouth. 1575 01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:30,829 You're the one who said marriage was difficult. 1576 01:16:31,045 --> 01:16:33,537 Yeah, but I didn't say anything about walking away. 1577 01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:37,540 So, if you want to give up... 1578 01:16:38,719 --> 01:16:40,005 I'm not the one giving up. 1579 01:16:40,304 --> 01:16:41,635 Well, nor am I. 1580 01:16:42,223 --> 01:16:43,338 Well, 1581 01:16:43,474 --> 01:16:44,555 good. 1582 01:16:44,850 --> 01:16:46,682 That's good. 1583 01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:52,889 So what do we do? 1584 01:16:53,567 --> 01:16:55,729 (Nat) So, that's why we've come here today. 1585 01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:57,651 We've hit our low point, 1586 01:16:57,738 --> 01:17:01,276 but we're committed to making our marriage succeed. 1587 01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:02,573 (groans) 1588 01:17:03,369 --> 01:17:05,326 You should just cut your losses now 1589 01:17:05,412 --> 01:17:07,904 before your life becomes a series of squabbles 1590 01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,077 about who's meant to pick the kids up, 1591 01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:15,207 who put the King's Speech DVD back in the Sound of Music DVD case. 1592 01:17:15,673 --> 01:17:17,584 (sighs) I suppose, if you really want to make it work, 1593 01:17:17,716 --> 01:17:21,584 you could try focusing on making it to a year. 1594 01:17:22,972 --> 01:17:26,181 Commit to a life with each other for the next three months. 1595 01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:29,927 (4 Don't Dream It's Over by Lolo Pritch) 1596 01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:51,114 (Diana) What is it? 1597 01:17:51,625 --> 01:17:53,536 - (sighs) - Is it a film? 1598 01:17:53,627 --> 01:17:54,992 - How many words? - (Nat) Novel? 1599 01:17:55,087 --> 01:17:57,078 Well, you must know how many words there are. 1600 01:17:57,173 --> 01:17:58,959 Sounds like? 1601 01:18:22,364 --> 01:18:24,856 I understand you're looking to sell. 1602 01:18:27,828 --> 01:18:29,489 I'm from Foxtons. 1603 01:18:34,627 --> 01:18:36,664 (singing along softly) ♪ We built this city 1604 01:18:38,005 --> 01:18:41,339 ♪ We built this city On the wrong damn road 1605 01:18:41,467 --> 01:18:42,957 ♪ Built this city 1606 01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:44,591 Boom, boom. 1607 01:18:44,678 --> 01:18:46,419 ♪ We built this city 1608 01:18:46,513 --> 01:18:50,381 ♪ On the wrong damn road J...and roll 1609 01:18:52,061 --> 01:18:54,098 ♪ Johnny played the bongos... 1610 01:18:55,105 --> 01:18:56,595 (humming along) 1611 01:19:16,085 --> 01:19:20,124 So, this time last year, you'd been Mrs Moss for... 1612 01:19:20,214 --> 01:19:22,626 Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty... 1613 01:19:22,716 --> 01:19:24,673 ...an hour and eight minutes. 1614 01:19:25,511 --> 01:19:27,627 (Nat) We made it. 1615 01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:30,012 One year. 1616 01:19:31,141 --> 01:19:33,508 We should be proud of ourselves. 1617 01:19:38,524 --> 01:19:40,185 Ta-da. 1618 01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:45,357 I thought I'd bring out the big guns for a special occasion. 1619 01:19:46,198 --> 01:19:48,530 - Could you help do me up? - Yeah. 1620 01:19:59,420 --> 01:20:00,956 I think two of these hooks are broken. 1621 01:20:02,589 --> 01:20:04,500 - Oh. Really? - Yeah, I think so. 1622 01:20:04,591 --> 01:20:09,085 - God. Um, let me fix it. - All right. 1623 01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:14,136 (44 When Love Breaks Down by Snow Patrol) 1624 01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:26,227 Hon, I've just remembered I've got to do something. Um... 1625 01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:29,905 I'll see you at the restaurant. Tell Hugh and Naomi, okay? 1626 01:20:30,159 --> 01:20:33,618 - Sure. I'll see you there. - (door closes) 1627 01:20:37,207 --> 01:20:38,572 (tyres screech) 1628 01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:40,957 (car horns honking) 1629 01:21:04,610 --> 01:21:07,227 (Chloe) You know, you haven't even told me where we're going yet. 1630 01:21:08,113 --> 01:21:10,400 (Guy) I wanted to surprise you. 1631 01:21:18,916 --> 01:21:21,783 - (all cheering) - Surprise! 1632 01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:23,792 What's going on? 1633 01:21:23,879 --> 01:21:25,620 I wanted to organise a little party for you. 1634 01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:28,005 A year is a big achievement. 1635 01:21:28,092 --> 01:21:29,503 Where is your stupid husband? 1636 01:21:29,760 --> 01:21:31,717 (inaudible) 1637 01:21:36,475 --> 01:21:38,512 (Guy) Did you remember your passport? 1638 01:21:38,602 --> 01:21:39,808 (sighs) 1639 01:21:39,895 --> 01:21:41,181 Here. 1640 01:21:41,271 --> 01:21:42,932 Is this human trafficking? 1641 01:21:43,023 --> 01:21:46,106 You're not gonna keep it and sell me to a gang of Albanians 1642 01:21:46,193 --> 01:21:48,400 who'll make me pleasure 25 truck drivers a day 1643 01:21:48,487 --> 01:21:51,570 at some port in Belgium for me to earn it back, are you? 1644 01:21:51,657 --> 01:21:54,490 No, no. Absolutely not. 1645 01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:56,946 It's a terrible situation, though. 1646 01:21:57,663 --> 01:21:59,370 Those women... 1647 01:22:00,165 --> 01:22:04,784 I can't help but think they all just started life as someone's little baby. 1648 01:22:07,548 --> 01:22:08,663 He's still not picking up. 1649 01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:11,123 He's never usually late. 1650 01:22:11,218 --> 01:22:13,630 God, can we start without him? I'm starving. 1651 01:22:13,720 --> 01:22:15,176 We've been here forever. 1652 01:22:15,264 --> 01:22:17,505 (Nat) I can't believe he's late for our first-anniversary dinner. 1653 01:22:17,683 --> 01:22:19,048 I can't believe you even made it... 1654 01:22:19,143 --> 01:22:21,134 (hesitantly) ...to your first-anniversary dinner. 1655 01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:22,893 - What? - Hmm? 1656 01:22:23,021 --> 01:22:24,011 Mmm? 1657 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:31,019 Well, one year is pretty remarkable, 1658 01:22:31,238 --> 01:22:33,980 given that you two are completely ill-suited for one another, isn't it? 1659 01:22:34,074 --> 01:22:35,940 I mean, no one thought you were gonna make it a month, 1660 01:22:36,034 --> 01:22:37,069 much less a year. 1661 01:22:37,161 --> 01:22:38,196 Really? 1662 01:22:38,245 --> 01:22:40,907 I didn't actually think you'd make it past the honeymoon, honestly. 1663 01:22:40,998 --> 01:22:42,284 I thought you'd fuck a Moroccan. 1664 01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:43,409 - Whoa. - (Danny) I really did. 1665 01:22:43,500 --> 01:22:44,490 And I wouldn't have blamed you 1666 01:22:44,585 --> 01:22:46,451 because they're very beguiling, the Moroccans. 1667 01:22:46,545 --> 01:22:49,879 If you sort of like the swarthy gentleman. 1668 01:22:50,215 --> 01:22:52,206 - Thanks. And no, I don't. - That's not your thing? 1669 01:22:52,301 --> 01:22:54,133 - No. - Ooh. A bit racist? 1670 01:22:54,219 --> 01:22:56,551 I bet you'd do it. You'd do it with a foreign fellow, wouldn't you? 1671 01:22:56,972 --> 01:22:58,713 What about the Chinese fellows? 1672 01:22:58,849 --> 01:23:00,965 Because they've not got a great reputation as lovers. 1673 01:23:01,059 --> 01:23:03,926 But they must be doing something right, because there's billions of them. 1674 01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:05,848 You've got your Germans. Ach! Very efficient. 1675 01:23:05,939 --> 01:23:09,057 (mimics machine whirring) Like a machine, just... (grunts) In and out. 1676 01:23:09,193 --> 01:23:10,900 (German accent) "I vill annex your vaginal 1677 01:23:10,986 --> 01:23:12,977 "And then Poland!" No, forgive and forget. 1678 01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:14,653 But d'you know what? I don't know about you, 1679 01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:17,198 I've never met someone who's had sex with an Eskimo. 1680 01:23:17,284 --> 01:23:18,900 Be good, wouldn't it? Because they'd start with the noses 1681 01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:21,076 and then they'd, ooh, get down, you know, with the... 1682 01:23:21,872 --> 01:23:25,365 Do you think they do that down there? Not using the... Just... On the nose. 1683 01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:28,409 I bet you've had a few of them, yeah. And him. 1684 01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:29,665 (laughs) No, good luck to you. 1685 01:23:30,756 --> 01:23:33,794 - Thanks. - But, I mean, you did it. One year! 1686 01:23:33,884 --> 01:23:34,999 - Yay! - Yay! 1687 01:23:35,093 --> 01:23:36,754 Don't you clap. 1688 01:23:37,679 --> 01:23:39,670 Go on, give that twat of a husband another call. 1689 01:23:39,765 --> 01:23:40,846 Don't use your phone, use mine. 1690 01:23:40,933 --> 01:23:43,800 Because sometimes he avoids you if he sees your name come up on the caller ID. 1691 01:23:46,563 --> 01:23:48,429 (mobile ringing) 1692 01:24:22,933 --> 01:24:26,096 Oh, God. Happy anniversary! 1693 01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:32,390 Naomi arranged it. 1694 01:24:33,777 --> 01:24:35,563 Happy one year. 1695 01:24:36,405 --> 01:24:37,816 I need to tell you something, Nat. 1696 01:24:40,117 --> 01:24:42,324 I just think you're the most incredible woman. 1697 01:24:42,619 --> 01:24:44,701 - Aw! - How about that? 1698 01:24:44,788 --> 01:24:46,699 So beautiful. 1699 01:24:47,082 --> 01:24:50,040 And smart and bright and funny. 1700 01:24:50,794 --> 01:24:51,875 You're perfect. 1701 01:24:52,963 --> 01:24:55,295 - You're the perfect wife. - (Diana) Aw, sweet. 1702 01:24:58,635 --> 01:24:59,716 But just not for me. 1703 01:25:01,638 --> 01:25:04,005 I've waited my whole life for the right girl to show up. 1704 01:25:04,433 --> 01:25:06,174 And it turns out that you weren't it. 1705 01:25:06,685 --> 01:25:09,848 I don't find the way that you crinkle your nose when you laugh adorable, 1706 01:25:09,938 --> 01:25:11,224 the way you flick your hair, 1707 01:25:11,315 --> 01:25:12,805 - it's quite frankly irritating. - (Danny) Hear, hear. 1708 01:25:12,899 --> 01:25:14,890 I wanted to cherish everything about you, 1709 01:25:14,985 --> 01:25:17,943 but it just didn't happen. 1710 01:25:20,198 --> 01:25:21,984 So I guess what I'm trying to say is... 1711 01:25:22,993 --> 01:25:24,529 Natasha Moss... 1712 01:25:25,996 --> 01:25:27,327 will you divorce me? 1713 01:25:29,666 --> 01:25:31,077 Yes. 1714 01:25:31,168 --> 01:25:33,751 Yes. Yes! I willl 1715 01:25:33,837 --> 01:25:35,578 - I absolutely will! - That's so amazing! 1716 01:25:35,672 --> 01:25:37,413 - Do you really mean it? - Absolutely! 1717 01:25:37,507 --> 01:25:40,590 I've been waiting for this moment for months, hoping it would happen. 1718 01:25:40,677 --> 01:25:41,963 I can't believe that you asked me. 1719 01:25:42,054 --> 01:25:43,510 Why didn't you just say something, then? 1720 01:25:43,597 --> 01:25:46,510 I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I thought it would break your heart. 1721 01:25:46,850 --> 01:25:50,218 You've made me the happiest woman in the world. 1722 01:25:51,355 --> 01:25:52,390 I love you. 1723 01:25:52,731 --> 01:25:53,846 But you're not in love with me. 1724 01:25:53,940 --> 01:25:56,102 No! God, no. 1725 01:25:56,193 --> 01:25:58,059 Unequivocally not in love with you. 1726 01:25:58,445 --> 01:26:00,607 The opposite. The opposite of love. Misery. 1727 01:26:00,697 --> 01:26:02,608 - Me, too! - (laughs) 1728 01:26:03,367 --> 01:26:05,529 I can't believe we felt the same for so long. 1729 01:26:05,619 --> 01:26:09,408 Well, listen, now we have the rest of our lives 1730 01:26:09,790 --> 01:26:11,076 not to be together. 1731 01:26:14,169 --> 01:26:15,500 Cheers? 1732 01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:17,828 Look, this is amazing, it's magical. 1733 01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:19,084 It's better than I could ever have imagined, 1734 01:26:19,174 --> 01:26:20,960 but there's somewhere else that I really need to be right now. 1735 01:26:21,051 --> 01:26:23,167 Oh, go! Seriously, go. Do you need money for a cab? 1736 01:26:23,261 --> 01:26:24,296 No, I'm all right, I'm in the car, 1737 01:26:24,388 --> 01:26:26,299 but it was a nightmare trying to park, so I'm basically in a... 1738 01:26:26,390 --> 01:26:29,508 Oh, God, stop it. Stop it. It's so boring. 1739 01:26:29,601 --> 01:26:31,308 - It's just, the car's in your name... - It's so boring. 1740 01:26:31,395 --> 01:26:33,477 - We should sort that out, actually. - It's so boring. I don't care. 1741 01:26:33,563 --> 01:26:35,645 - All right, but... - Honestly. Just go. 1742 01:26:45,283 --> 01:26:46,444 (laughs) 1743 01:26:49,079 --> 01:26:51,912 I will never have to see you again. 1744 01:26:52,999 --> 01:26:54,489 Ever. 1745 01:26:59,589 --> 01:27:01,079 Taxi! 1746 01:27:07,514 --> 01:27:09,630 ( by The Pierces) 1747 01:27:09,725 --> 01:27:11,136 (inaudible) 1748 01:27:17,149 --> 01:27:18,514 Ta-dal 1749 01:27:19,109 --> 01:27:20,691 Oh, wow! 1750 01:27:20,777 --> 01:27:23,314 I've always wanted to go to Aachen. 1751 01:27:25,323 --> 01:27:27,860 No, uh, we're going to Paris. 1752 01:27:27,993 --> 01:27:29,233 Paris. 1753 01:27:30,245 --> 01:27:33,203 Ah! (chuckles) Okay. Joke! 1754 01:27:33,790 --> 01:27:35,326 - Yeah. - Yeah! (laughing) 1755 01:27:49,264 --> 01:27:51,255 - I'm thinking two kids. - (laughing) Oh! 1756 01:27:51,349 --> 01:27:54,216 - Guy Junior and Gaia. - Wait! Wait, stop! 1757 01:27:55,312 --> 01:27:56,427 - Stand back. - Oh, my God. 1758 01:27:57,814 --> 01:27:59,430 I can't be without you, Chloe. 1759 01:28:00,025 --> 01:28:01,607 I think about you every second of the day. 1760 01:28:03,028 --> 01:28:04,143 I need to be with you. 1761 01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:05,936 And I know you want to be with me as well. 1762 01:28:06,031 --> 01:28:07,192 What the hell are you doing? 1763 01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:09,740 You can't just turn up and try and steal my girlfriend away. 1764 01:28:09,826 --> 01:28:11,988 You're married. You're a married man. 1765 01:28:12,037 --> 01:28:13,698 You should get out of here, creep. 1766 01:28:14,122 --> 01:28:15,112 I split up with Nat. 1767 01:28:15,207 --> 01:28:17,539 - You split up with Nat? - You split up with Nat? 1768 01:28:17,918 --> 01:28:20,535 Ever since you came back into my life, I've known that I had to be with you. 1769 01:28:22,547 --> 01:28:25,130 When I lie in bed, I think about the way that you laugh. 1770 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:28,755 I can't work because I can't stop imagining our lives together. 1771 01:28:29,679 --> 01:28:33,172 You're everything that I've ever wanted in a... 1772 01:28:34,726 --> 01:28:37,343 - Nat?! - Josh? What... 1773 01:28:39,606 --> 01:28:41,472 (panting) What? What? 1774 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:42,977 Okay, sorry. 1775 01:28:45,070 --> 01:28:48,358 Nat, we spoke about this, didn't we? 1776 01:28:48,907 --> 01:28:50,614 - It's not gonna work out. - No, I, uh... 1777 01:28:50,700 --> 01:28:52,031 - Actually, I'm... - I'm not gonna change my mind. 1778 01:28:52,160 --> 01:28:54,527 - I don't care what you say. - I'm, uh... 1779 01:28:55,580 --> 01:28:58,163 - I'm not here to see you. - What are you doing? 1780 01:28:58,583 --> 01:29:00,039 I'm actually not here to see you. 1781 01:29:00,126 --> 01:29:01,958 What do you mean, you're not actually here to see me? 1782 01:29:02,921 --> 01:29:04,411 Him! 1783 01:29:04,798 --> 01:29:06,084 - Really? - And you... 1784 01:29:06,466 --> 01:29:08,423 - Her, yeah. - Her, of course. 1785 01:29:08,510 --> 01:29:09,966 You're perfect for each other. 1786 01:29:10,053 --> 01:29:13,136 And I always thought he was much more the kind of guy that you should go for. 1787 01:29:13,223 --> 01:29:14,839 Do you remember when I said to you when I was trying to... 1788 01:29:14,933 --> 01:29:16,515 Oh, I do remember that! I remember when you said that, 1789 01:29:16,601 --> 01:29:18,183 and at the time, I agreed. 1790 01:29:18,311 --> 01:29:19,346 And I thought in my mind, 1791 01:29:19,437 --> 01:29:20,598 "I think he's right, I should be with him." 1792 01:29:20,689 --> 01:29:23,477 - That's what I wanted. - (chuckling) 1793 01:29:23,567 --> 01:29:25,854 (sighs) Ah! And here we are. 1794 01:29:26,236 --> 01:29:27,317 Here we are. 1795 01:29:28,029 --> 01:29:31,021 And where were you? Had you been explaining 1796 01:29:31,116 --> 01:29:33,027 - the bit about us... - Us breaking up, yeah. 1797 01:29:33,159 --> 01:29:35,366 I was just explaining to Chloe why I was in love with her. 1798 01:29:37,497 --> 01:29:41,286 Okay, is it just me, or is this unbelievably awkward? 1799 01:29:41,376 --> 01:29:42,537 (Nat) Look at that. 1800 01:29:42,627 --> 01:29:44,459 She's got that dry sense of humour that you like. 1801 01:29:44,546 --> 01:29:46,457 I mean, I just don't have that. 1802 01:29:46,548 --> 01:29:50,667 And this guy, forget about it. Unbelievable. 1803 01:29:51,303 --> 01:29:53,465 Proper grade-A hunk. 1804 01:29:53,555 --> 01:29:55,011 I could just drink you in. 1805 01:29:55,599 --> 01:29:57,055 Thanks. 1806 01:29:58,643 --> 01:30:02,807 (Josh) But this lady here, she's incredible. 1807 01:30:03,732 --> 01:30:06,474 And you make her eyes light up in a way that I never could. 1808 01:30:11,489 --> 01:30:13,480 Would you mind... 1809 01:30:13,575 --> 01:30:15,657 No, no, uh...please. 1810 01:30:16,411 --> 01:30:17,617 Would it be all right if I... 1811 01:30:17,704 --> 01:30:19,069 Of course. 1812 01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:21,284 Thank you. 1813 01:30:23,668 --> 01:30:24,829 (inhales) 1814 01:30:26,963 --> 01:30:28,419 - Thank you. - (all) Oh! 1815 01:30:28,506 --> 01:30:30,588 - That's nice. - Sorry. 1816 01:30:32,344 --> 01:30:34,802 No, not you, we don't want to do that. 1817 01:30:34,888 --> 01:30:37,346 Never again. Come around this side. 1818 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:39,093 Hi. 1819 01:30:45,982 --> 01:30:47,848 - This is a bit weird. - This is weird, isn't it? 1820 01:30:47,943 --> 01:30:49,354 - Yeah. - We'll go. 1821 01:30:49,444 --> 01:30:51,185 - Let's go over here. - (Guy) No, we'll go. 1822 01:30:56,201 --> 01:30:58,442 (4 Never Knew Love Like This Before by Jessie Ware) 1823 01:31:38,535 --> 01:31:40,276 - Who had the chicken feet? - I did. 1824 01:31:40,370 --> 01:31:41,860 You had the chicken feet. 1825 01:31:41,955 --> 01:31:44,242 - We didn't have a starter. - No, no. 1826 01:31:44,332 --> 01:31:46,573 And we didn't have the champagne. 1827 01:31:46,668 --> 01:31:50,127 We spent £45,000 on a wedding to your prick son! 1828 01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:53,422 You can chip in for a bit of fucking dim sum! 1829 01:32:23,121 --> 01:32:24,452 All right, pause, pause, pause. 1830 01:32:24,539 --> 01:32:25,574 I'll tell you what we'll do. 1831 01:32:25,665 --> 01:32:29,158 We'll make a list of pros and cons, right, of Nat. 1832 01:32:29,252 --> 01:32:33,291 Pros. Number one, body. 1833 01:32:33,381 --> 01:32:36,294 Excellent. I've seen it nude, loved it. 1834 01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,091 I beg your pardon? When have you seen it nude? 1835 01:32:38,386 --> 01:32:40,798 Well, when we were down in that place in Cornwall, 1836 01:32:40,889 --> 01:32:42,675 I sort of walked in when she was getting changed. 1837 01:32:42,766 --> 01:32:44,131 - What do you mean, you walked in... - "Accidentally." 1838 01:32:44,225 --> 01:32:46,432 - What's that? What's that? - Hey, listen, I'll tell you, 1839 01:32:46,519 --> 01:32:49,728 you lock your door or these peepers will come a-roving. 1840 01:32:49,898 --> 01:32:52,731 All right, mate? That's the way I roll. 1841 01:32:52,817 --> 01:32:54,478 You know that, she should know that. 1842 01:32:54,569 --> 01:32:56,856 What about that she's, um... 1843 01:32:58,114 --> 01:32:59,650 - Kind... - Boring. 1844 01:32:59,741 --> 01:33:01,323 ...and warm. 1845 01:33:01,409 --> 01:33:03,366 (scoffs) Warm? Put the radiator on if you want warm. 1846 01:33:03,453 --> 01:33:05,444 And, um, good with kids. 1847 01:33:05,580 --> 01:33:07,742 So was Michael Jackson. Look at that marriage. It didn't last. 1848 01:33:09,417 --> 01:33:10,407 Yeah, but I love her. 1849 01:33:10,502 --> 01:33:11,992 - (scoffs) Love. - Well, I do. 1850 01:33:12,087 --> 01:33:13,293 Yeah, sounds a bit gay. 1851 01:33:13,755 --> 01:33:14,995 We can get back out there like the lads. 1852 01:33:15,090 --> 01:33:17,502 Like the old days, you know? The Terrible Two. 1853 01:33:17,592 --> 01:33:18,582 Do you know what I mean? 1854 01:33:18,676 --> 01:33:20,508 "Lock up your daughters. And your mothers." 1855 01:33:20,595 --> 01:33:21,835 I'm not fussy. 1856 01:33:22,180 --> 01:33:24,217 Every time I open my mouth when I'm around her, she's like, 1857 01:33:24,307 --> 01:33:26,469 (mockingly) "No, don't say that. You can't say that. 1858 01:33:26,559 --> 01:33:27,594 "You can't do that. 1859 01:33:27,936 --> 01:33:30,849 "Put your trousers on! Put your trousers on! We're in a restaurant!" 1860 01:33:30,939 --> 01:33:33,180 - Oh, shut up. - Well, she's... (sighs) 1861 01:37:02,442 --> 01:37:04,433 Subtitling: Deluxe Digital Studios